Can friendship be one sided?

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Silent Prisoner
Junior Member

since 2006-02-15

Posts 39
Around Somewhere

0 posted 2006-07-22 12:57 PM

Okay I've friends with this person for a while and lately it just seems to be all one sided. Whenever they need me or deem that they can talk to me I am there for them. But whenever I need them they are never anywhere to be found and none of my calls are ever returned. I know that they are busy but I just lately feel taken advantage of. Please help; can friendship really be one sided?

"I will give you my strength and my will to live strong."

Marge Tindal

Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-06

Posts 42384
Florida's Foreverly Shores

1 posted 2006-07-22 03:07 PM

Probably not~
Friendship is a makeup of two or more giving, receiving ... sharing~
Sadly, it doesn't appear that you have that with this person~

Admiration for another can be one-sided,
but for friendship to exist ... I would think that it takes at least two~

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

2 posted 2006-07-23 12:59 PM

Donald Kaufman: You are what you love, not what loves you.

from the film, Adaptation, starring Nicholas Cage and Meryl Streep.

and I have been searching, but there was speech made by the character of Donald regarding an unrequited love interest he'd had in high school. I wish I didn't have to paraphrase, but it (the speech) occured when Donald's twin brother revealed to him that the girl he'd loved so devotedly hadn't returned his feelings, and Donald revealed that he knew that, but never stopped loving her.

This puzzled his brother--but Donald said something along the lines that he owned that feeling of love, as he did all of his feelings, and not even she could take that away from him.

I liked that part alot. And yanno? I'm quite certain I maintain affections for people who don't return the favor.

And that is okay.

aziza
Member Elite

since 2006-07-09

Posts 2995
Lumpy Oatmeal makes me Crazy!

3 posted 2006-07-25 03:45 AM

I think, at times, it can seem a friendship is one-sided. There are times that we need more than we can give. Unfortunately, few things in life are balanced - and friendships are no different. Maybe you need to examine this particular friendship before giving up on it. Is it that this friend is going through a time that requires more attention? Is it ever your turn to be the one to be the center? Have you talked to the person - could it be that s/he is just totally unaware of how you feel?

There are times that we meet people that we consider friends who suck all of our energy and focus. It might be that this person is not a friend as much as using you to fill their needs. This is okay at times - as long as you get the time you need too.

Good luck.
aziza

Mysteria

Member Laureate

since 2001-03-07

Posts 18328
British Columbia, Canada

4 posted 2006-07-25 02:07 PM

Sure it can if you see it that way. I guess I have a strange concept on friendship but I think what you give of yourself you give FOR yourself, and if you don't put high expectations on the person to return the love or friendship in the same way you do, it feels really good the only way they know how to show it. Same with gifting, just give it with your own intentions, and forget about what theirs are or if they are using your gift the way you felt they should, because a gift is gone and belongs to someone else once you give it away.

I think it is best to concentrate on being the best friend you can be, rather than trying to wish to change someone into the best friend you want them to be. I do also agree that sometimes friends can become too needy, and boundaries need to be set to what you find acceptable for you by talking that out with them. A friend is not someone who drains all your energy, but in some cases they may need yours, and that is the huge difference. That is just my two cents worth. The last thing I myself would ever do is write-off a friend, as you can never have too many of them, and quality ones are very hard to find.

Kimberly ann
Member

since 2006-05-29

Posts 61

5 posted 2006-07-25 05:16 PM

i think it can be because i have the same problem but then again. friendship is being there for eachother. so is it really a tryue friendship?

kimblery ann

nakdthoughts
Member Laureate

since 2000-10-29

Posts 19200
Between the Lines

6 posted 2006-07-25 06:45 PM

Mysteria said it the best...

and one year when I lost my voice and had to go to speech therapy to "get it back" the DR. told me that I shouldn't be upset with a friend and not want to make new friends again..the friendship's stress added to my laryngitus ..anyway he said that the friend thought of me as a friend whether that meant in having me watch her children when she needed someone or whether it meant to just play tennis with..that there are many levels of friendship and some people can only give or add what they can to it...my definition was to want a friend that doesn't make me feel guilty if I don't have the time to always be there but was available when I could...but also didn't want to feel used or just when needed but for fun things too.

So just remember that...we all have different definitions of friendship.

M

LeeJ
Member Patricius

since 2003-06-19

Posts 13296

7 posted 2006-07-26 07:07 AM

agreeing with naked thoughts and mysteria, as they both come out on top for thoroughly answering your question with some very good advice, covering all the necessary ground. Good Luck!

buttercupbaby
Member

since 2006-05-03

Posts 400
outside in the rain

8 posted 2006-07-28 01:59 PM

im agreeing with nakdthoughts, and mysteria too, i don't think there is anything i could say that would actually help anymore..lol.i do know that i have loved people and they haven't loved me back, but in friendship's im not sure. either you have a friend or you don't...maybe find a better friend. if they're too busy to make time for someone that has been there for them, they aren't good friends. cause nothing can come between someone who loves someone. I love all my friends, and i know(i hope) that they will always be there for me. I hope things work out for you.
love,

~missy
My tears of love are a waste of time if I turn away..
my love is a waste of time
if you never stay

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