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Duncan
Member Ascendant

since 2001-08-07

Posts 5455

0 posted 2004-08-23 12:38 PM

“Where have you been?”
his six year old voice rose in frustration
at my absence when there were...
“potatoes layin’ everywhere, ready to be picked”.

“Tomatoes, buddy”
I corrected, for the hundredth time.

“Tomatoes”
he repeated, as if for the first time.

He followed me around the garden,
commenting as we farmers do
on the coolness of the nights
and stormy afternoons,
as he filled the sagging pockets
of his cargo pants
with plump, red fruit
bursting from the plant he’d rescued
from a pile I thought dead
several months before.

“Have you ever seen a monster?”
he asked, as I looked around
for my ex, wondering what brought
that to his mind.

“I don’t think I have. How would I know for sure?”

“If you can’t take it’s mask off, then it’s a real monster.”

“What should I do, if it’s a real monster?”

He told me then, that to defeat
any monster,
I would need a machete
(like they use to cut corn, he said)
to remove it’s legs so it couldn’t
chase me
and it’s arms so it couldn’t
throw fire at me,
and the head should remain
on what was left of the body
(he wasn’t able to tell me why)...
all this, as he drew
an imaginary line across his own torso
indicating where the amputations
should be made.

“I’ll be sure and remember that if I ever meet a monster.”

“You should” he dead panned
and popped a ripe tomato into
his mouth.

“Did ya know that garlic keeps vampires away?”
I asked, continuing with his theme
and hoping to impress him with my own knowledge
of things that go bump in the night.

“Yep” he replied unaffected by my wisdom,
“but a machete keeps ‘em from comin’ back.”

JL
Member Ascendant

since 2004-04-01

Posts 6128
Texas, USA

1 posted 2004-08-23 12:41 PM

Really enjoy this one!!

JL

She said: ”You look cute in the dark.”

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

2 posted 2004-08-23 12:44 PM

yeah, watch out for that ex in the bushes
LOL

hehehee...really loved this one

Martie

Moderator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-09-21

Posts 28049
California

3 posted 2004-08-23 12:57 PM

Duncan

So real and tender those moments in the garden of a child's mind. Loved the way you presented this...very touching and smile making!

Susan Caldwell
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-12-27

Posts 8348
Florida

4 posted 2004-08-23 01:10 PM

Cherry tomatoes?

he speaks the truth...they don't come back if you cut them off at the knees...

dang monsters...

"cast me gently into the morning, for the night has been unkind"
~Sarah McLachlan~

Mysteria

Member Laureate

since 2001-03-07

Posts 18328
British Columbia, Canada

5 posted 2004-08-23 01:53 PM

I had to wait to stop laughing to type. Surely you do realize kids have all the right answers by now right? This reminded me of a favorite scene in Raiders of the Lost Ark, wherein our hero is confronted by the enemy. He wields a huge sword or whip around, (remember, I am blonde right), and then goes, "Oh heck!" and shoots him cold. (Now I am worrying that was the right show?) Boy I hope you guys didn't get into a tumble fight and sit on your tomatoes?

Duncan, what a priceless treasure in time this was.

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

6 posted 2004-08-23 02:12 PM

Ah, the wisdom of a six year old.
Did the tomatoes make it home
in those pockets?

Cpat Hair

Member Patricius

since 2001-06-05

Posts 11793

7 posted 2004-08-23 03:24 PM

unless of course.....

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

8 posted 2004-08-23 03:45 PM

Oh Duncan...this is fantastic!

and you? are just so smooth.

"Have you ever seen a monster?”
he asked, as I looked around
for my ex,"

I love this so much. Adorable stuff here.

now, where did I put that machete?

iliana
Member Patricius

since 2003-12-05

Posts 13434
USA

9 posted 2004-08-23 06:53 PM

Duncan, this was so cute. What a memory you've written here to hang onto. They do grow up all too fast!

......jo

Susan
Member Ascendant

since 2004-03-27

Posts 5104
walking the surreal

10 posted 2004-08-23 09:26 PM

This was fun and cute - and what a wise child. Makes me think of the black knight in Search for the Holy Grail. Chuckle, chuckle.

Susan

Happiness isn't something that happens to you, it's created from within you. Joy is a state of mind.

msflame
Member

since 2002-05-21

Posts 188

11 posted 2004-08-23 09:35 PM

Enjoyed the story telling aspect of your poem very much. I will suggest the dialogue in italics would be very effective, something I do from time to time. Thanks for the read.

Janet Marie
Member Laureate

since 2000-01-22

Posts 18554

12 posted 2004-08-24 12:25 PM

me thinks this is danged fine tigerboyyee poetry..

hehe
(stink bait payback)... yaya

the moth will be back...

Janet Marie
Member Laureate

since 2000-01-22

Posts 18554

13 posted 2004-08-24 11:21 AM

He followed me around the garden,
commenting as we farmers do
on the coolness of the nights
and stormy afternoons,
as he filled the sagging pockets
of his cargo pants
with plump, red fruit
bursting from the plant he’d rescued
from a pile I thought dead
several months before.
============================
all this, as he drew
an imaginary line across his own torso
indicating where the amputations
should be made.

“I’ll be sure and remember that if I ever meet a monster.”

“You should” he dead panned
and popped a ripe tomato into
his mouth.

“Did ya know that garlic keeps vampires away?”
I asked, continuing with his theme
and hoping to impress him with my own knowledge
of things that go bump in the night.

“Yep” he replied unaffected by my wisdom,
“but a machete keeps ‘em from comin’ back.”

====================================

outta the mouths of babes...
I love the wit and innocent humor of this...you captured the moment and took us there...

“You should” he dead panned
and popped a ripe tomato into
his mouth.

I could see this...
You and the little dude, wearing your farmers overalls...very cool poem Mr Green Jeans

oh and....

“Where have you been?”
his six year old voice rose in frustration
at my absence when there were...
“potatoes layin’ everywhere, ready to be picked”.

Out chasing blondes and neglecting your chores again????

jellybeans
Member Elite

since 2000-10-13

Posts 2298

14 posted 2004-08-24 11:46 AM

oh my, did you capture 6 year olds with the authority of loving one......I have my own (grandson), so I should know........this is precious, just precious......
oh and rofg...my little one conned his grandpa into buying him a real machete.....rofg...really really enjoyed this

nakdthoughts
Member Laureate

since 2000-10-29

Posts 19200
Between the Lines

15 posted 2004-08-24 12:22 PM

sometimes I wish I had one of them machete's

M

Midnitesun

Member Empyrean

since 2001-05-18

Posts 28647
Gaia

16 posted 2004-08-24 12:40 PM

Maybe puppies should wear garlic collars when running through tomato fields?
Red. Hmmm, and sharp blades. Lots of symbolism here, Dunc.

But what an enchanting tail!

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