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Open Poetry #24
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Equinox
| Open Poetry #24 |
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Equinox |
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Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
Equinox Somewhere between the polarities lies midpoint You stood in stare eyes unblinked in stubborn refuse I sat in daze thoughts unspoken in fearful repose Sunlight scatters wind and we sweat the middle ground knowing in the end even it shifts with seasons Would that time could be halted today and I might stay in equinox of you |
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| © Copyright 2003 Cpat Hair - All Rights Reserved | |||
SEA 
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
Ron, this soooooooooooooo applies to my relationship with my oldest right now...sigh...only I'm not quiet about it, and neither is she....thank you for this. really  [This message has been edited by SEA (02-04-2003 07:43 PM).] |
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Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
they reach an age... and it amazing how dumb parents are to them..and how much they MUST exert their own will... been a long time since I was there as a parent..but yopu never forget. glad you enjoyed.. I didn't write it thinking about a child...but can see how it fits quite well with that reading. |
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SEA
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
I didn't think it was about a child, parent relationship, but it just fit, and she is who I thought of. Yes. sadly, I'm very stupid right now to her. It kills me...and I'm so tired of beating my head against the wall. It's funny, I call my parents from time to time, and just say sorry for all I did growing up, usually after my kids pull the same stuff I tried  |
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Enchantress Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113Canada eh. |
"Would that time could be halted today and I might stay in equinox of you" There is something about this... it touched me...deeply. Going back for a couple more reads... before I pop it into my library under the name 'Captain'.  ~Hugs~ ~Time has cast a spell on you, |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Cpat, it may not have been the message you had intended...but look... quote: This is the best thing I've seen all day! |
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Mistletoe Angel
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
 (sigh) Wouldn't that be where everyone wants to stay, of course you'd never get to experience the other equinox but at least you can live accordingly! (big hugggsssssss) This is lovely, sweet friend, yay, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Ron, thank you for sharing! May love and light always shine upon you! Love, Noah Eaton "Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..." |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
Sunlight scatters wind and we sweat the middle ground knowing in the end even it shifts with seasons Would that time could be halted today and I might stay in equinox of you ==================================== Encompassed Destination Somewhere between degrees of latitudes and longitudes lies the distance that now defines, denies, and directs her. White lined lanes and runways wind endlessly into the horizon. Miles of mapped and compassed concrete and clouds. Highways that bend and curve like her need. Roads that rise like the lonely that drives her. On a day that holds winter too tightly and frigid winds frost her words ... she whispers across the distance calling to the warm sand reverie that holds her heart in tide taken requite. No amount of nights spent in front of the fire will ever season her senses like the sunrise saturated shorelines sated her. The same degrees of distance that now deny her, will eventually lead her farther on ... Destination: 36° N. Latitude 76° W. Longitude She'll need no maps ... her heart knows the way.  Chesapeake Bay 36° N. Latitude 76° W. Longitude thank you Capt for the inspiration... me mothy muse needed to breathe [This message has been edited by Janet Marie (02-05-2003 12:38 AM).] |
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garysgirl
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237Florida, USA |
Goodness, people....  Ya'll are good at this making me think business!!! BTW, I do like it, though, because it's good for me to think every now and then.....lol . . Seriously, Capt., you always write poems that are full of truth and wisdom....even your stories have wisdom in them. Thanks, poet sir...  |
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regards2you Member Elite
since 2002-10-01
Posts 3940California |
Ron, Interesting this can be applied to different relationships. I liked the last few lines in keeping with a romantic situation. Enjoyed, Pat ..without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.. |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
I can relate well |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
Beautiful. and yet? It's driving me nuts. (you seem to have a knack for that) hmmm. Artfully written and yet it leaves me like a cat, twitching her tail... serene, but thinking... |
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GG Member Elite
since 2002-12-03
Posts 3532Lost in thought |
I'm left thinking too Its beautiful and calming, and it makes me want to stay... somewhere.. for a moment longer. But, not sure what, where..why. I like it! Always, Alyssa - And so it was that time stood still - |
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Sandpiper Senior Member
since 2002-06-15
Posts 738land of flora and fauna |
ah yes, to have those rare moments still framed..if only..enjoyed!!! "And it was at that age...Poetry arrived in search of me...And something started in my soul." |
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Duncan Member Ascendant
since 2001-08-07
Posts 5455 |
'Sunlight scatters wind and we sweat the middle ground knowing in the end even it shifts with seasons Would that time could be halted today and I might stay in equinox of you' Ah, but then wouldn't balance get boring after a while?  (Congrats on stimulating (  ) JM's muse!) |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
pfffft... (sorry, the expletive page won't load  )oh.  and g'mornin'...sigh already...groanI'll e ya the danged message! |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
...and then you let the moth breathe... See!? See!! see what your poetry does? Ha! [Sunshine slowly leaves the room, gleaming in the notion that she knows a poet when she reads one...] |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
ya know what Sunshine...I was just telling him the same thing ... great minds think alike? heh |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Ron "Sunlight scatters wind and we sweat the middle ground knowing in the end even it shifts with seasons" Profound thoughts, my friend..good writing! |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
You know for the most part I really like this poem...but I feel compelled to lecture heh...~oh no, there is a collection groan, not again~ There's a trend here recently, at passions, to omit articles within freeverse poems..(a, the etc) So this: 'I sat in daze thoughts unspoken in fearful repose' replaces this: I sat in a daze thoughts unspoken in fearful repose this: 'and I might stay in equinox of you' replaces this: and I might stay in the/an equinox of you this: 'Sunlight scatters wind' replaces this: Sunlight scatters the wind I have a feeling that many poets believe that removing the article forces a more poetical sound to the line - removing any 'sentence-like' aspect that might exist. And honestly that's what happens, and it's a mistake...in freeverse it's said there are no 'rules' and that may technically be true when compared to the rules that exist in formation poetry, still...there are things to be noted, things to watch out for. I believe that omitting articles quite often resembles the effect that forced rhyme has within formation poetry. Consequently - by having 'I sat in daze' rather than 'I sat in a daze' the line becomes forced. It screams: I AM A POETICAL LINE! Rather than fitting in gently with the rest of the verse... I have become saddened to discover that article-omission is the new rhetorical device of choice for many freeversers here... Otherwise - damn fine write, Sir  K[This message has been edited by Severn (02-05-2003 04:17 PM).] |
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