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a volcanic fortress (inspired by Serenity)
| Open Poetry #25 |
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a volcanic fortress (inspired by Serenity) |
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Sudhir Iyer Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943Mumbai, India : now in Belgium 
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the rain is holding out like last soldiers of a fortress tugging at memories and stories left behind many a burning smoke with drops falling in a flood of tears of losses unimaginable uncountable where additions and subtractions of what is left and what has disappeared who is left and who has gone don’t ever match the scars on the fortress the stabs at the stones the rain is holding out while the heart holds far too many burdens infinite pieces of baggage blended together by fixing agents concrete addictives and strong addictions the rain is holding out, little knowing that all the glue in the world fails to fix broken glass maybe melting helps maybe that’s why there exists rage and there exists heat v o l c a n i c waiting to erupt like emotions held dear in the fortress of the soul ----------------------- serenity's great write is here: /pip/Forum64/HTML/003240.html many thanks to you O Serene One...  |
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| © Copyright 2003 Sudhir Iyer - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
smart she is to beg this of you... don't you just love being inspired, Sudhir? I'm glad you were... |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
I feel as though a feast has just been set before me. Thank you dear heart. Where to begin? nibble nibble... Those first two lines set the tone...the stoic stubborness of that sky refusing to let go rain, (I shake my head, just as I sometimes shake my fist too) and scabs at the stones? just brilliant...(a visual that reminds me very much of another favored poet, our dear Mikey the squirrel) and inbetween those two lines, with your "additions and subtractions" brought to MY mind the building of the temple, and masonry, and how every single line and measure had intent and meaning. Beautiful..and OH I could go on...and think that I will, for a bit. (I'm not quite as good as Jan at this, but you inspire...) 2nd verse, you blend the metaphors nicely from burdens and baggage back to the original metaphor of masonry (fixing agents concrete additives) very clever here as this fixates the image in my mind, and reinforces (I love the layered metaphor, don't you?) (Then in the 3rd short verse, you introduce "glass"--broken and implying fragility, and then...yes...ooompah OOMP... in the 4th verse you deliver with the melting visual and the volcano, yes, I thought, that's it "volcanic glass" beautiful and strong, but slippery too... this just SANG to my heart and I know, I know, but when someone feels my writing enough to answer with something like this? I feel so understood that I could just dance! Thanks so much Sudhir baby!  Today, I scored a triple...first, mr. sites posted again, then? redheart popped in, and now THIS... yayayayayayayayayay as a certain moth sings! HUGS. |
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Nightshade 
since 2001-08-31
Posts 13962just out of reach |
the rain is holding out, little knowing that all the glue in the world fails to fix broken glass Sudhir - I am so glad that you were inspired by serenity's heartfelt write. This is awesome! Add to it your winning smile, and well...my day is complete! Chris "Hope" is the thing with feathers- |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
where additions and subtractions of what is left and what has disappeared who is left and who has gone don’t ever match the scars on the fortress the stabs at the stones the rain is holding out while the heart holds far too many burdens infinite pieces of baggage blended together by fixing agents concrete addictives and strong addictions =========================== outstanding imagery and analogy Poet Sudir... and made even more superb by the gift of inspire from a fellow poets words. very cool write "and when we get to the pearly gates ... |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
yayayayayayayayayayayaya |
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Susan Caldwell Member Rara Avis
since 2002-12-27
Posts 8348Florida |
I truly have no words..speechless...but I am running to store it in my library, holding it close to my chest, least another try to take it from me..... Susan |
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
Very nice Sudhir...James |
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dreambuilder Member
since 2003-03-23
Posts 319caddyshack |
the souls repair shop there exists rage and there exists heat v o l c a n i c waiting to erupt like emotions held dear in the fortress of the soul may we all have Pele (hawaiian fire Goddess)in our hearts excellent write - most impressive |
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littlewing Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655New York |
Sudhir - you see what you have accomplished my friend? What every good poet desires - to touch . . . and here - you have - to each of us this means so many different things: where additions and subtractions of what is left and what has disappeared who is left and who has gone don’t ever match the scars on the fortress the stabs at the stones - quite amazing - book it - we'll be back . . . and I love to see us inspiring each other - is lovely . . . xxoo [This message has been edited by littlewing (04-09-2003 09:48 PM).] |
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garysgirl
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237Florida, USA |
Sudhir, I am so glad that you were inspired by Karen to write this. This is a beautiful write. I loved reading it.  Hugs, Ethel |
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Bill Charles Member Patricius
since 2000-07-11
Posts 10619highways, & byways, for now |
Sudhir Iyer - I understand your inspiration from Serenity's writings... BC |
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Sudhir Iyer Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943Mumbai, India : now in Belgium |
Sincere thanks to each of you, my dear friends for your visit and your wonderful comments... and special thanks to the serene one again... thanks Karen your response has got me thinking regards, sudhir |
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