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Kevin
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Senior Member
since 1999-11-02
Posts 729
Torrington, Ct, Usa

0 posted 2001-01-21 03:50 AM


Masquerades of picket fences
Cups of coffee dull your senses
Sunrise sunset sunrise sunset
You’ve died but you don’t know it yet
Enslaved by owning your possessions
Bury deep your true confessions
Don’t stop to see what you’ve become
You know its what you’re hiding from
So carry on with smiles fake
And pay the toll life's come to take
You cannot open self closed eyes
American beauty denies



[This message has been edited by Kevin (edited 01-21-2001).]

© Copyright 2001 Kevin Bednarz - All Rights Reserved
LoveBug
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since 2000-01-08
Posts 4697

1 posted 2001-01-21 09:53 AM


"Masquerades of picket fences
Cups of coffee dull your senses
Sunrise sunset sunrise sunset
You’ve died but you don’t know it yet"

An interesting look at the other side of the "all American dream". Great style and flow. Thanks for sharing.

"Where there is great love there are always miracles" -Cather
"Love heals everything, and love is all there is"- Zukav



jeremydraul
Senior Member
since 2000-08-01
Posts 1118
State of Despair
2 posted 2001-01-21 10:44 AM


*nods* in approval with LoveBug.
First couple of lines just infested the rest of the poem with this certain kind of explosiveness.. I loved this one.

~JDR

"Is it love in my gut, or piss in my bladder?" -Allan Riverwood

Salooma
Senior Member
since 2000-01-28
Posts 781

3 posted 2001-01-21 11:15 AM


bravo!!
very nice post...
funny thing, i wrote one with the same title, but I think I like yours much more.
thanks for posting it  

Salma

Isabel Galaxia
Senior Member
since 2000-06-18
Posts 733

4 posted 2001-01-21 11:21 AM


Wow, I'm quite impressed.  Good job  
Bel

Dopey Dope
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Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico
5 posted 2001-01-21 01:26 PM


This was great! I liked the whole flow of it and it's just great. Good one Kevin!



I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774
Ontario, Canada
6 posted 2001-01-21 03:37 PM


I really enjoy your writing style Kevin ... wonderful flow to your words, keep up the great work!  

Best wishes,
/Kit

The Lost Supertone
Member
since 2001-01-20
Posts 74
Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada
7 posted 2001-01-21 03:42 PM


To be honestly, I saw the tittle and not being formilar with your work I kinda just ignored it.. untill I saw that at least 6 people thought it good enough to reply... and when I read it i said to myself
I said
Self
yes
Self
what do you want
Self
Do I have to beat you up or will you start talking
well if you 'd just let me talk!
well why don't you
because you keep interupting!
Oh well fine then
ok
good
self
yes
Ahg shUT UP!
fine
self, what did you think of this poem.
I thought it kicked sweet bootay,
so did I
why did that take so long?
I dono, probably because we're kinda stupid

Lakewalker
Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289
On the streets w/ people
8 posted 2001-01-22 05:30 PM


I dont think I'll ever quite beat the last reply there, but I did love the poem, the stlye flows great and I loved these lines: "Sunrise sunset sunrise sunset
You’ve died but you don’t know it yet" a real whole heck of a lot, for some reason.  Yeah, so great job, thanks for sahring this.

"Disagreements stimulate thought, thought stimulates action, and action stimulates life." --Lakewalker
http://www.thehungersite.com

Acies
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Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665
Twilight Zone
9 posted 2001-01-23 05:33 PM


marvelous thoughts
I guess i'm gonna be reading more of your work
I don't think I've missed that much but how can I have missed your talent in writing
thanks for the read
keep em coming

I see no changes, wake up in the morning I ask myself, "Is life worth living or should I blast myself" TUPAC SHAKUR



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