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Open Poetry #47

Karma

Juju
Member Elite

since 2003-12-29

Posts 3429
In your dreams

0 posted 2011-03-02 09:01 PM

Karma

I don't know what I did
To deserve loving you...

A purgatory of loathing
Suffocates my heart
Till it chokes like
How an old car
Grasps for sudden animation
In a rusted frozen state

I hope change
will be a good thing this time around...

Juju

-Juju

-"So you found a girl
Who thinks really deep thoughts
What's so amazing about really deep thoughts " Silent all these Years, Tori Amos

ethome
Member Patricius

since 2000-05-14

Posts 11858
New Brunswick Canada

1 posted 2011-03-02 10:39 PM

This is just great!

"A purgatory of loathing
Suffocates my heart
Till it chokes like
How an old car
Grasps for sudden animation
In a rusted frozen state"

You get your point across in a powerfully intense manner in this.
Then the last two lines indicate a strain of the tenderness that engulfed you in the first place.

Bravo!

Eric

the writer views a critic like a fire hydrant would view a dog

faithmairee
Senior Member

since 2011-01-05

Posts 1441
Poe Haven, USA

2 posted 2011-03-02 11:54 PM

great wonderful poem...i love it

There must be a poem in here somewhere.

Lori Grosser Rhoden
Member Patricius

since 2009-10-10

Posts 10202
Fair to middlin' of nowhere

3 posted 2011-03-03 10:18 AM

Lovin' it!
Lori

2islander2
Member Ascendant

since 2008-03-12

Posts 6825
by the sea

4 posted 2011-03-03 12:31 PM

very clever metaphor, he was not deserving you, thanks for the excellent and very enjoyable poem.

yann

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