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Open Poetry #39
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I am of the wolves
| Open Poetry #39 |
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I am of the wolves |
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ManOfWolves28 Member
since 2005-12-21
Posts 83 |
I am of the wolves. I show no fear. I show fury. I am imperial. I am wise. I am fast. I am silent. I am of great power. I roam the night. He who is coyote, Must obey me and bow down to me. I will rule he that is coyote either way. Note: This one isnt completed yet. If anyone has a suggestion for it let me know. I wrote it this morning. |
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Juju Member Elite
since 2003-12-29
Posts 3429In your dreams |
You know this would be awesome in meter, and be more vivid and sharp with your words towards the end with something that shows instead of tells. "I am of the wolves. I show no fear. I show fury. I am imperial. I am wise. I am fast. I am silent. I am of great power. I roam the night. He who is coyote, Must obey me and bow down to me. I will rule he that is coyote either way." He is my spin using imagery and a little meter (5) I am of the wolves, My steps decisive, My fury is unmatched, My skills efficient, And I roam these woods. No coyote, no nothing could defeat a wolf. Notice how it is shorter. If you can use words that simplify your poem it would be great. Some pointers to finish your poem is have a circulating or repetitive structure. And If you want to freak people out, your do it by implying. This is very hard to do, but if done right is more effective then I will destroy you Ex. "I will destroy you" vs. "watch your back I am waiting" One leaves the reader with no, no you won't and the other leaves them with,” are they watching me...dang, I am paranoid" So use your voice and become a wolf. Make the reader feel like prey and don't harp on coyote. say it once and then it makes it more interesting. ex. "I follow you every day and wait to hurt you" vs. "I know you by your footsteps as I wait around the corner. " I will leave at there because I fear I might get to carried away. But anyways I hoped I helped you. -Juju PS Keep in mind that theses are suggestions and not me telling you how to write the poem. The examples were there to help my point and I was unable to find some in my head to find ones that concerned you (writer block) I hoped I have helped. -<>-~-<>-~-<>- |
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ManOfWolves28 Member
since 2005-12-21
Posts 83 |
Thanks for the suggestions. Had you not given me some ideas I might have made it into a short story. Seems Im better at writing them. I am of the wolves has been a series of random words running through my head for a few weeks so I decided to attempt writing them out. Oddly enough they dont have that same structure as compared to in my mind. I could probably go on for hours giving the history of this poem. I do have a few others in past archives about wolves. One is Snowy The Wise and the other is In the Eyes of a Wolf. Since this is topic 39 they might bothe be in 38. Though Im certain one is in 37. |
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Juju Member Elite
since 2003-12-29
Posts 3429In your dreams |
I find that happens allot as well with my self. I will get the same thought in my head over and over. I am actually better at writing stories as well. Even in stories when you are trying to convey a them, you want to speak with action. Especially with a poem where you are saying "I am in control". I cant wait to see your finished project. I like your theme allot. The whole this is my home theme. pretty cool. -Juju A hint, when I do my very, very good poems, I start writing about every thought and emotion and visual picture I can think of. Then I take what I have and organize them into a structure. The thing poems is it doesn't matter how you write them, but the more structure they have the more complex they are. I usually start simple and reduce it. Two examples of this is "men cant fly" and "man in the moon" where I reduced and organized the poems.. -<>-~-<>-~-<>- * Juju * -<>-~-<>-~-<>- |
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ManOfWolves28 Member
since 2005-12-21
Posts 83 |
Didn't notice I had a theme. Though in some ways I do. I was looking through the stack of nearly 400 poems Ive written since 1998 to find all the ones about wolves and most of them could use major rewording. An editor's nightmare perhaps. I found alot of my dragon poems and some are surprisingly quite good considering I dont remember writiing them. There's probably more short story starts then poems Im guessing. |
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Juju Member Elite
since 2003-12-29
Posts 3429In your dreams |
Well what ever you plan on doing, Be true to your voice and don't force anything and you will do well. And always wait a day and re read it. -Juju -Juju |
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ManOfWolves28 Member
since 2005-12-21
Posts 83 |
Ive written various things and cant quite get them to flow in a way that makes sence. Maybe I just havent found simalar words to the existing ones. Imperial instead of superior and so on. |
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Juju Member Elite
since 2003-12-29
Posts 3429In your dreams |
Close your eyes and think of the scene first then write down the thoughts and emotions. You know with poetry, imagery isn't just the scene and imagery isn't all poetry. don't force your self into awkward style for you. But start off just of think about it and write it down. start with free style. I did free style for two years rymed for one and now I developed my own style. But start simple. -Juju -"So you found a girl Who thinks really deep thougts What's so amazing about really deep thoughts " Silent all these Years, Tori Amos |
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