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DreamerSpirit
Member

since 2006-10-02

Posts 240
Buenos Aires, Argentina

0 posted 2006-10-04 09:32 PM

Well...I'm Posting here a new poem.
the last one i posted(Love Night) was not commented by anyone, i guess it's strike one for me then...well..i hope this one can meet your expectations.

The Rain and Me

There is Something
About the Rain
That bothers Me

I Still Don't Know
If it is the Cold
or The Feeling
of being Wet

Or If it is
the Sound of its Drops Falling
That Sad Noise
Always Gets in my Mind

Many People Believe
that the rain is nice
and many others think of it as a Depressing Picture

My Mother Once Told me
that when the Rain falls
You can Speak to your Heart Freely

I've Tried many times
but my Heart never answers
Could it be that there is no answer?
Could it doesn't Want to answer?
Or may be i'm Heartless?

There is Something
About the rain
That Bothers Me

I don't Know
what it is yet
but i know
I'll Know Someday

And There is Something
That I didn't Say
I've got One Problem
With the Rain

The Problem is that
Everytime i hear it
I just Can't Stop thinking
that we are no longer toghether

And I just Hope that
some day the rain will pass on
and i'll see the sun Next to you Again.

Now i've Got to leave.
Having said all I wanted,
All about my problems
between the Rain and Me.

themute
Member

since 2006-05-08

Posts 469
Maryland

1 posted 2006-10-04 09:49 PM

i've had the same troubling/agrovating displeasure that you have Dreamer, but this need be more about your own expression than the exultation or expressed interest of others towards your words. i would say that you have a good voice, but you lack the right words, keep writing and eventually you'll find them.

I am the two-toed wanderer

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

2 posted 2006-10-04 09:57 PM

Denis, this place is slow sometimes...just happens that way. Don't get frustrated if you don't get many replies.

The secret I've found is to keep the poem short. People don't usually like to stay on one page to read a long poem. Another secret is to make yourself known here...comment as much as you can on other people's work.

The more you are around, the more you will learn and the more you will be read by others.

And themute is a very smart guy too...good advice from him

Magnus

Member Laureate

since 2001-10-10

Posts 14135
South Carolina, USA

3 posted 2006-10-04 10:00 PM

Yes, he is....in fact, they both are...
she and he both...and what they say is
correct....with time, experience and
seeing what others do to enhance their
poetry, all will come around.

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

4 posted 2006-10-04 10:00 PM

one thing I did want to say about this poem is that I was a little distracted by the use of capital letters where they are not grammatically correct...

good thoughts in it though

themute
Member

since 2006-05-08

Posts 469
Maryland

5 posted 2006-10-04 10:44 PM

One more thing, dont under any circomstances think that we are worthy of your gratification, in otherwords, don't ever think that we are jeniouses/artists of any kind of merit. only until one has made a masterpice can their prais or criticism be taken seriously.

I am the two-toed wanderer

DreamerSpirit
Member

since 2006-10-02

Posts 240
Buenos Aires, Argentina

6 posted 2006-10-04 11:26 PM

Well, to everyone that has replied
Thanks for the critics, and the advice.
And yes, i'll keep writing.

And about the capital letters..it's somewhat a habit a have..as you might know i'm not english and i'm learning how to speak and write it properly.
I'll Accept any advice on how to write with better orthography, after all i'm still learning.

Thanks all for your support.

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