Twas

Five days after Christmas, when all through the house,
Came a thunderous snoring from Peter, my spouse.

It rattled the house while I clung to my bed,
A hangover hammering blows to my head.

Visions of clam dip and Chex mix and cake,
Caused my stomach to roll and I started to shake.

And somewhere beyond my closed bedroom door
A Playstation 2 fired up with a roar.


Then down near the stairs, there arouse such a clatter
I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter.

I said to myself as I raced on ahead
“This racket must stop or somebody’s dead!”

Away from my bedroom I flew like a flash
Tripped over a Bratz doll and slid in some trash.

The light in the hall cast on smeared cookie dough,
Gave the luster of mid-day to objects below.

When, what to my wondering eyes did I see?
Three dogs in a fight and a tipped over tree!

Their faces were coated in peppermint stick
And a battle was waged for that last little lick.

More rapid than eagles from upstairs I came,
And I whistled, and shouted, and called them by name,

“Down Baby! Down Misty! You too Romeo!
(As I looked around, frantic, for something to throw)

To the top of the porch! To the top of the wall!
Now Dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky,

So up to the house-top the ornaments flew,
The tree-top angel, and some Mistletoe too.

The stockings once filled with surprises and sweets
Enticed those bad doggies to search for a treat.


They were covered in tinsel and tangled in lights,
And I knew that this was the dogfight of all fights!

And then in a twinkling, I heard a small Woof!
Then the prancing and pawing of each little hoof.

As I drew in my hand, and was turning around,
From his armchair, my husband jumped up with a bound.

He was stressed, that’s for sure, from his head to his feet,

And his t-shirt was garnished with some sort of meat.

A rolled up newspaper he’d flung on his back,
As he raced toward the dog’s to give each one a whack.

His eyes—how they twinkled! His dimples, how scary!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!

He had a broad face and a well-rounded belly,
That shook when he pounced, like a bowlful of jelly.

A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had something to dread.


He spoke not a word but went straight to his work,
Whacked all those bad doggies, then turned with a jerk,

And laying a finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, he went right back to doze.

He sprang to his chair, to his team gave a whistle,
And we all flew away like the down of a thistle.

But I heard him exclaim as we sped out of sight,
Merry Christmas to all and to all,

NOW GOODNIGHT!