Harry walked into the pub, his face was crimson red.
His look proclaimed that anyone who crossed him would be dead.
His buddies saw him enter and they called out, "Over here!
Come join us, you old reptile, for a spot of Christmas cheer!"

Harry joined them at the bar, the scowl still on his face
As Beavis said, "Hey, Harry! What you doing in this place?
We all got excuses 'cause you know we got no life
But how come you ain't back home spending Christmaswith your wife?"

"HAH!" screamed Harry,"That's a laugh!I'd rather be right here.
Let me find my comfort in a mug of Irish beer.
I tell ya, lads,I've been around and seen a lot in life
And there is nothing viler than a mean, ungrateful wife."

"I work my fingers to the bone down at the factory
And putting in the overtime will be the death of me.
I do it for a house to live in and a decent car,
To put food on the table and the paychecks don't go far."

"I don't ask for no applause - no brass bands need to play.
But I would think that she'd remember that on Christmas day.
We exchanged our gifts this morning...(a stopto scratch his crotch)
And what did my wife hand to me..? A seven-dollar watch!!!"

"Aw, that's not right", said Billy, with his hands up in the air
And Georgie chimed in, "That's a fact. Them women just don't care.
But barmaid Betty heard it all and said, "A shame, no doubt
A shame she gets no gratitude from YOU, you drunken lout!"

Harry bristled on his stool. "What's that supposed to mean?"
Betty said, "There's truth and lies and all that's in-between.
You're moaning that your honey didn't spend enough on you?
Well, let's add up the figures and we'll find out if that's true."

"She cooks your meals every day, must be three bucks or four
Add ten percent for tipping and it's gonna cost you more.
Nine hundred meals for the year, not counting snacks unplanned
And it wouldseem to me that she saved you at least two grand!"

"How much do the cleaners cost? A shirt is fifty cents
Pants used to be a dollar, if they haven't gone up since.
365 pairs of pants costing one buck each
Then add the shirts...550! (and no charge for extra bleach).'

"Housekeepers? Well, they're gonna run 'bout 80 bucks or more
To mop the floors and vacuum, bring home groceries from the store.
That's fifty two times 80...four more grand is what you get.
Hey, have another beer, old man,because we're not done yet."

"She takes care of your two boys while you're working every day.
Without her, you'd need child care...guess how much you'd have to pay.
Then what about "romantic" times if your wife wasn't there?
How in blazes would you find another who would share?'

"Fifty dollar dinners, hoping you would get a break?
Jugs of wine to make a mood? How many would it take?
If you were forced to pay at fifty bucks or something near
Then add another hundred to your savings for the year!"

"So it's around ten thousand. Your complaint was what again?
Oh, yes, that women just don't give enough to please their men.
Why not put down that mug of beer and just be on your way?
You don't deserve the Christmas gifts she gives you every day."

Well, Harry put his beer down and went running home like mad.
He felt ashamed that he had treated his poor wife so bad.
He ran into the house and saw her face fill withalarm
Then gave her one big sloppy kiss and took her by the arm.

He took her to the bedroom. They made love. When he was through
He whispered, "Thank you, sweetheart wife, for everything you do."
She lay there as he fell asleep and she could only watch....
"My God!" she thought. "He must have loved that seven dollar watch!!!!"