Ebenezer Caesar (The Misunderstood Freezer Meister)

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Mistletoe Angel

Member Empyrean

since 2000-12-17

Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon

0 posted 2006-12-14 09:12 PM

(Here's a new holiday tradition baked all heartily for this year again, yay!

For all y'all wondering when the new Christmas carols are coming, just last week I was asked by the KBOO Community Radio staff to be the Interim PM News & Public Affairs Director, which I'm getting paid for temporarily until the next permanent news director comes in from Palestine in January, so thus have been busier than I would like to be so I could go and record all the new songs I wrote.

So recording may be limited before Christmas, and y'all unfortunately may have to wait until after Christmas to hear all the new carols, but one way or another you'll hear them all within the next month, yay! )

*

Ebenezer Caesar (The Misunderstood Freezer Meister)
By: Noah Eaton
12/7/05

Ebenezer Caesar,
O, he was quite the caviler,
a burnt offering of mistletoe malaise,
hunts down with a Sharpie marker,
advice from Craig & Jane Hamilton-Parker,
and Anna David columns by the page.
The only Christmas tree he has trimmed,
is one made up of cocktail shrimp,
built from Styrofoam blocks and toothpicks.
To his ears, Ave Maria sounds like logorrhea,
is there a panacea to such preconceived ideas,
what can thaw his heart to Christmas bliss?

O, Ebenezer Caesar,
lives in a fort built from a Frigidaire upright freezer,
If you were his next-door neighbor,
you’d rather spend the holidays with an eyebrow tweezer.
He’s as gelid as Stouffer’s frozen lasagna,
but deep down I believe he’s as sweet as Lebkuchen,
baked by your grandma,
O, meet Ebenezer Caesar,
the misunderstood freezer meister.

Well they say, "When you give to others,
you yourself are blessed."
It’s the greatest win-win proposition,
so c’mon, and haul along,
that leftover half moon bay pumpkin bread!
And I know something that tastes just as good served cold,
how about some of my Aunt Polly’s sweet potato casserole,
that’ll make a whale of a wassail!
Holy Goldilocks,
all this fuzziness is melting your icebox soapbox,
he has a falsetto that slids like an icepick kiss.
Just give him just five minutes longer to deliquesce,
And in no time he’ll do the Frankincense Arabesque,
darting like Donner through every province.

O, Ebenezer Caesar,
lives in a fort built from a Frigidaire upright freezer,
If you were his next-door neighbor,
you’d rather spend the holidays with an eyebrow tweezer.
He’s as gelid as Stouffer’s frozen lasagna,
but deep down I believe he’s as sweet as Lebkuchen,
baked by your grandma,
O, meet Ebenezer Caesar,
the misunderstood freezer meister.

O, Ebenezer Caesar,
lived in a fort built from a Frigidaire upright freezer,
Come now, let’s be real here,
who you kidding with that eyebrow tweezer?
He was as gelid as Stouffer’s frozen lasagna,
but he’s as sweet as Lebkuchen,
baked by your grandma,
O, meet Ebenezer Caesar,
the freezer cheermeister,
O’ Ebenezer Caesar,
the freezer cheermeister!
.
.
.
"And his disciples remembered that it was written,
the zeal of your house has eaten me up."
Seriously, I’m not kidding,
your Grandma’s Lebkuchen is a grace cup,
mmmmmmm mmmmmmm,
tell me,
does she use one egg or two?

"If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other"

Mother Teresa

Enchantress
Member Empyrean

since 2001-08-14

Posts 35113
Canada eh.

1 posted 2006-12-14 09:54 PM

Oh I remember this one Noah!
I love it just as much this Christmas!

And, now you have answered my question about you singing the Carols.
I understand, and good luck and congrats on the position!!

Sing in me muse...
and through me tell the story~

Interloper

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-11-06

Posts 8369
Deep in the heart

2 posted 2006-12-15 01:02 PM

Holy Goldilocks?
I love it

You go, Noah!

Poet, said my Muse to me, look in thy heart and write.

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