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Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean

since 1999-07-07

Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla

0 posted 2006-11-30 07:43 AM

I Wondered

I wondered through the fires haze
Waiting at the edge of dream
To pass beyond this foil of seem
Yet still I walk a broil of daze

These phantoms of my goal persist
In my mind they stay in store
When counting time it’s more than awe
Those flaunting of my souls insist

The mountains seem of steeper grade
The abyss I stare in greater shear
For time has filled my mind with fear
I cannot find some rest of shade

I cannot put this burden down
Nor paddle back the one way deed
I cannot taste the sweet of need
At times I feel a tortured clown

So when I lay me down to sleep
I’ll lay me down a naughty sheep

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

1 posted 2006-11-30 07:46 AM

outstanding rhyme scheme! and the theme...wow!

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean

since 1999-07-07

Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla

2 posted 2006-11-30 08:13 AM

passing,
You are very kind, have a wonderful day.

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

3 posted 2006-11-30 08:39 AM

I know when I see a Sy-sigh
and a

[This message has been edited by Sunshine (11-30-2006 09:26 AM).]

Gentle Spirit
Member Patricius

since 2000-10-09

Posts 13989

4 posted 2006-11-30 08:46 AM

I do agree with Karilea, this is a sigh/Sey moment. Well done, sir.

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean

since 1999-07-07

Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla

5 posted 2006-11-30 08:56 AM

Sunshine
Thank you dear, love you too.

Gentle Spirit
Thank you sweety,

Interloper

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-11-06

Posts 8369
Deep in the heart

6 posted 2006-11-30 09:28 AM

BRAVO!

Martie

Moderator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-09-21

Posts 28049
California

7 posted 2006-11-30 10:31 AM

Sy...I just can't picture you being naughty, only nice.

LeeJ
Member Patricius

since 2003-06-19

Posts 13296

8 posted 2006-11-30 10:42 AM

These phantoms of my goal persist
In my mind they stay in store
When counting time it’s more than awe
Those flaunting of my souls insist

and the ending was great...enjoyed

Angel4aKing
Senior Member

since 2006-09-27

Posts 1372
USA

9 posted 2006-11-30 10:44 AM

Nor paddle back the one way deed
I cannot taste the sweet of need

Love this part...and we all have one way deeds....take care...JulieAnn

kingsangel

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean

since 1999-07-07

Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla

10 posted 2006-11-30 10:57 AM

Interloper
Enjoyed the Bravo thank you.

Martie
You are the sweetest.

LeeJ
Thank you sweety and have a great day.

Angel4aKing
Thats true and thank you.

secondhanddreampoet
Member Ascendant

since 2006-11-07

Posts 6394
a 'Universalist' !

11 posted 2006-11-30 12:32 PM

As per usual...grand (superb) imagery!:

“I wondered through the fires haze
Waiting at the edge of dream
To pass beyond this foil of seem...”

“I cannot put this burden down
Nor paddle back the one way deed
I cannot taste the sweet of need...”

I especially love: "...paddle back the one way deed.."! (EXCELLENT!)

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean

since 1999-07-07

Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla

12 posted 2006-11-30 12:46 PM

secondhanddreampoet
Thank you so much I enjoy your comments.

The Lady
Member Rara Avis

since 2005-12-26

Posts 7634
The Southwest

13 posted 2006-11-30 04:37 PM

I've never seen
a naughty sheep
I never hope to see one
but in case I ever do
I'm sure that
you won't be one

I need to sigh now too
Sir Sy

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean

since 1999-07-07

Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla

14 posted 2006-11-30 05:01 PM

Lady
A delightful response.

Margherita
Member Seraphic

since 2003-02-08

Posts 22236
Eternity

15 posted 2006-11-30 05:03 PM

quote:
I wondered through the fires haze
Waiting at the edge of dream

What you bring forth in these special moments is always so profound, yet with a touch of lightness, that gives your words
an irresistible charm.

Love and hugs.
Margherita

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean

since 1999-07-07

Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla

16 posted 2006-11-30 06:26 PM

Margherita
It's you that has the charm.

Duncan
Member Ascendant

since 2001-08-07

Posts 5455

17 posted 2006-11-30 07:48 PM

"I cannot put this burden down
Nor paddle back the one way deed
I cannot taste the sweet of need
At times I feel a tortured clown"

Yep, me too. Good to read ya again Sy.

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean

since 1999-07-07

Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla

18 posted 2006-11-30 07:49 PM

Duncan
Thank you and glad to see you back my friend.

suthern

Member Seraphic

since 1999-07-29

Posts 20723
Louisiana

19 posted 2006-12-01 01:20 PM

For time has filled my mind with fear
I cannot find some rest of shade

I love the tension you build within the verses... then lighten with the ending. *S* Beautiful work!

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean

since 1999-07-07

Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla

20 posted 2006-12-01 07:56 PM

suthern
Thank you sweety I needed that.

trutodaraiders
Senior Member

since 2006-12-02

Posts 820
CA

21 posted 2006-12-02 10:57 PM

I agree with the other comments. This poem was dont tastefullly.

Poetry is just the evidence of life.
If your life is burning well, poetry is just the ash. "
Leon Cohen~

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean

since 1999-07-07

Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla

22 posted 2006-12-02 11:25 PM

trutodaraiders
I thank you much.

[This message has been edited by Seymour Tabin (12-03-2006 08:19 AM).]

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