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Open Poetry #39

Emotional Roller Coaster

SarBear
Member

since 2003-06-05

Posts 205
Massachusetts

0 posted 2006-10-20 11:06 PM

Heartbreaking music plays,
as a sobbing man walks by.
Intricate hearts lay bleeding,
on the cold cement.
Questions form in my mind,
as I wait in a neverending line.
I hold a ticket in my hand,
and though I don't know what door it will open for me,
I clutch it close,
feeling as though it's my only hope.
The line moves forward,
one step at a time.
I can't see ahead,
only behind.
Shielding my eyes from the bright lights in the distance,
I feel my own heart, beating, in a broken state.
Step by step,
the line moves on.
I finally find myself at the front,
before me is some sort of ride,
I'm placed inside,
heart racing, tears flowing.
As I set forth,
I realize what I am,
what I'm on.
I wish I had known,
I wish I could have seen.
I'm on an emotional roller coaster,
a seemingly infinite ride.
The pain floods in,
and I remember all the places that I've been,
I try to scream for it to stop,
attempt to find a break,
wishing for it all to disapear,
wanting to wake up from this dream,
but these memories never end.

Note: I have been working on this poem for a while and keep coming back to it. It just doesn't seem right to me and I think it needs some work. So, if anyone has any suggestions let me know. I think the beginning is strong but it kind of branches off in the end. Thanks!

miscellanea
Member Elite

since 2004-06-24

Posts 4060
OH

1 posted 2006-10-20 11:15 PM

SarBear,
It seems fine to me, picking up acceleration as it goes on. I like the changing momentum in your poem!

miscellanea

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