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JLHunter
Senior Member

since 2006-10-08

Posts 557
CA United States

0 posted 2006-10-16 10:30 AM

A Stateless Love

She walks in restless dreams, alone,
As day and night fold into one.
And all the life from all she knows
Is slipping past and comes undone.
She reaches out by telephone
To find some other kindred soul.
But though she seeks the light, she knows
The dark is an alluring pull.

A spirit strong for those in need,
Yet for her soul she has no salve;
A tear-stained, endless, aching loss
Is all her muse will let her have.
Though some have cried, “Repay this deed!
Her kindness is as savior-sent!”
The accolades she gives a toss,
Not seeing what her goodness lent.

As day-by-day the crowds grow vast
With people she has shown the way,
And led them from the darkest night
To promise in a sun-bright day,
When, silently she wanders past
The madding crowd of people saved,
While traveling with blinded sight
The very road of love she paved.

She walks in restless dreams, afraid,
For what her fate has held in store,
A refugee on borrowed land,
With nothingness for ever more.
And all this empty life she’d trade
For one day in her life to roam,
To settle--far from wind-swept sand,
In peace and love--her childhood home.

Pinky: Gee, Brain, what are we going to do tonight?
Brain: The same thing we do every night, Pinky: try to take over the world!

Sarkany
Junior Member

since 2006-10-14

Posts 32

1 posted 2006-10-16 12:13 PM

Hi

Without a doubt, this poem is one of the finest poem I read on this site. Your verses are well crafted and heartbreaking. The loneliness, the struggle to continue, and the temptations of eternity grabs the reader and pulls him/her into a world filled with pain, longing and disillusionment.

Masterful job. Bravo!

Sarkany

JLHunter
Senior Member

since 2006-10-08

Posts 557
CA United States

2 posted 2006-10-16 01:43 PM

Hi, Sarkany.

You're too kind (more, more!).

I truly am glad that you enjoyed my work so much. I really do try to put a lot of effort and thoughtfulness into poems such as this. Thanks for saying that you felt the same, too.

John

Pinky: Gee, Brain, what are we going to do tonight?
Brain: The same thing we do every night, Pinky: try to take over the world!

seraphin
Senior Member

since 2000-09-24

Posts 1004
Michigan

3 posted 2006-10-18 08:25 PM

Oh my, just where do I start?

This is absolutely perfect. There are no moments of hesitation, just a continued stately flow.

You've created a character that is vivid in both her strengths as well as her weakness. Then you pulled it all together, bound by imagery.

I feel this needs a boost so that others may read it, if not for a first time, then a second.

Beautiful work.

Sandra

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

4 posted 2006-10-18 10:51 PM

outstanding!

Edward Grim
Senior Member

since 2005-12-18

Posts 1154
Greenville, South Carolina

5 posted 2006-10-18 11:10 PM

Not bad... I usually don't like rhyming poems but this isn't bad. Ed

Once you are truly insane, it’s all picnics with Kafka after that. See, it’s the process of going crazy that you gotta worry about.

The Lady
Member Rara Avis

since 2005-12-26

Posts 7634
The Southwest

6 posted 2006-10-19 12:17 PM

Lord Byronesque
and beautiful

send it up!

JLHunter
Senior Member

since 2006-10-08

Posts 557
CA United States

7 posted 2006-10-19 07:08 AM

Hi, Sandra.

Again, I thank you for your kind words of encouragement.  I am inspired to continue when I receive such comments.

You've created a character that is vivid in both her strengths as well as her weakness. Then you pulled it all together, bound by imagery.

To be quite honest, this was written for a dear friend.  "Sam" hands out advice and love with such aplomb and honest caring that I was hoping to encourage her.

The reason that I feel this way is that even though she is such a wonderful voice of reason and compassion for other people, she is often very depressed and unable to help herself.  As I often am, I was moved to create an emblematic poem that would show her in her true light.  I hope that I have succeeded.

I feel this needs a boost so that others may read it, if not for a first time, then a second.

I'm not sure what you mean by this statement, but I appreciate your doing whatever it is that you are doing.

Thanks again, Sandra.

John xo

Pinky: Gee, Brain, what are we going to do tonight?
Brain: The same thing we do every night, Pinky: try to take over the world!

JLHunter
Senior Member

since 2006-10-08

Posts 557
CA United States

8 posted 2006-10-19 07:09 AM

Hi, Shadows.

Thank you sincerely.

John

Pinky: Gee, Brain, what are we going to do tonight?
Brain: The same thing we do every night, Pinky: try to take over the world!

JLHunter
Senior Member

since 2006-10-08

Posts 557
CA United States

9 posted 2006-10-19 07:10 AM

Hi, Ed.

Wow! With praise such as that I can hardly be dissuaded from writing similar material! lol

Thanks for the warm comments.

John

Pinky: Gee, Brain, what are we going to do tonight?
Brain: The same thing we do every night, Pinky: try to take over the world!

JLHunter
Senior Member

since 2006-10-08

Posts 557
CA United States

10 posted 2006-10-19 07:16 AM

Hi, TL.

Thanks so much for your "Lord Byronesque" comment--though I am truly rather humble about my work and don't personally see the comparison.

send it up!

Now, there's another comment alluding to something about which I know nothing. If there is a deeper meaning, could you, or someone else, please fill me in?

John xo

Pinky: Gee, Brain, what are we going to do tonight?
Brain: The same thing we do every night, Pinky: try to take over the world!

Martie

Moderator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-09-21

Posts 28049
California

11 posted 2006-10-19 03:31 PM

Hi John

All the elements that please...the music, the dance, the insight and sensitivity of really good poetry.

JLHunter
Senior Member

since 2006-10-08

Posts 557
CA United States

12 posted 2006-10-19 03:55 PM

Hi, Martie.

That's me! I try to please!

Thanks for your terrific comments.

John xo

I prefer to be a dreamer among the humblest, with visions to be realized, than lord among those without dreams and desires. -Khalil Gibran

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-16

Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA

13 posted 2006-10-20 06:24 PM

Enjoyed...James

JLHunter
Senior Member

since 2006-10-08

Posts 557
CA United States

14 posted 2006-10-21 01:43 AM

Thanks for reading, James.

John

I prefer to be a dreamer among the humblest, with visions to be realized, than lord among those without dreams and desires. -Khalil Gibran

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