Memories and Darkness - pipTalk Forums

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JLHunter
Senior Member

since 2006-10-08

Posts 557
CA United States

0 posted 2006-10-13 08:31 AM

The boarded-up windows and my beard told me that time had passed.
Careworn, the house sagged as if the weight of the world nestled in its rafters.
However, the truth was that the house weathered and withered just for me,
in an intricate rhythm synchronized to keep time with my tattered soul.

And now I was lost.

How long had I been?

And where had I been?

And who had I been?

Memory fragments of a better place drift into view,
much as a summertime butterfly,
only to flick out of sight at the far reaches of a memory’s verdant meadow,
now to become one with the riot of color that stretches as far as the mind’s eye can see.

Yet the memories bring only pain and unanswerable questions.

While, somehow, a half-remembered visitor dims the pain of the memories,
but only the shadow of her eyes lingers--
the single, perfect feature of her not yet lost to the depths of a cold, black sea of angst.

Blue…? Green…? Ice…? What of my memory colors her eyes?

I conjure up an image of what I believe that I see--
beautiful eyes:
red when she cried,
green when she didn’t,
and blue with anguish all of the time--
that is how

I remember…

the sadness around,
and the blue in,
and the green of,
her eyes.

Haunted by the almost-forgotten knowledge that it was I who drove her to…what?

Memories fail me only when they are the most compassionate,
so I must have been kind to her
or else what it was that drove her away I would remember in vast, crushing detail.

And so, of course, the memories of the sunlight fail me not,
but about myself I remember only darkness.
The darkness as of a starless, moonless night is upon my heart.

Fear I have none, though, for my soul craves the darkness.

Escaping the searing, writhing solar-flare burst of another memory
is becoming too excruciating even to contemplate,
and yet is as necessary as drawing the next breath if I am to survive.

Or, is escape just another dream?

Too soon will I know.

As I settle into the silent shadows,
my mind at last quiets down.
Dawn would come too soon if it would come at all,
although I would embrace the dawn with loving insight
if I was able to survive without the shadows.

Were it but to bring a glimmer of hope
and renew the smallest piece of my soul,
I should for the rest of my days avoid the dark places
and the unkind memories
just to hold onto the memory of those eyes that,
ultimately,
might save me.

But first, I turn back towards the remnants of my clapboard castle.
I catch a dirty glimpse of myself in a broken windowpane.

I like the beard.

It helps to hide the smiles and the pouts.

Perhaps one day I will learn how long was I gone.

Perhaps one day I will know where it was that I traveled.

Perhaps one day I will find out who I was.

Tonight though,
I will just keep time,
count my footsteps,
and invent a new me.

Is that a ray of light spearing across the sky from the direction of the much anticipated dawn?
If it is,
and if I survive,
I will never again seek out the oblivion that resides in the darkness.

Yet, I know that
oblivion
still
might
find
me.

Pinky: Gee, Brain, what are we going to do tonight?
Brain: The same thing we do every night, Pinky: try to take over the world!

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean

since 1999-07-07

Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla

1 posted 2006-10-13 08:40 AM

JLHunter
An illusions lament, enjoyed the read.

JLHunter
Senior Member

since 2006-10-08

Posts 557
CA United States

2 posted 2006-10-13 08:53 AM

Thanks, Seymour.

It is actually quite a bit autobiographical. I took parts of my crazy life when I was younger to patch together this ode to darkness...and the possibility of light.

John

Pinky: Gee, Brain, what are we going to do tonight?
Brain: The same thing we do every night, Pinky: try to take over the world!

Kira Aso
Member

since 2006-09-26

Posts 351
Closer to Hell...

3 posted 2006-10-13 05:30 PM

I really liked this...

And so, of course, the memories of the sunlight fail me not,
but about myself I remember only darkness.
The darkness as of a starless, moonless night is upon my heart.

It gave me a chilly kind of feeling, like someone left a window open or something.

Loved lots!

JLHunter
Senior Member

since 2006-10-08

Posts 557
CA United States

4 posted 2006-10-16 10:18 AM

Thanks, Kira!

Sorry about that! Next time I'll weave you a blanket...

John

Pinky: Gee, Brain, what are we going to do tonight?
Brain: The same thing we do every night, Pinky: try to take over the world!

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