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Sole
Junior Member

since 2006-07-29

Posts 13
England

0 posted 2006-07-29 12:06 PM

The sun rising above the water,
Ice lying on this frosty morning,
Pink glowing all around,
Rain trickling on the puddles that lie
An unhappy day coming as the heavens cry
Then a shout without warning,
Sending a flash across this dark miserable canvas.

Over the fields the water pours to the furrows
That the tractor ploughed.
The tractor running,
Ploughing the soil like butter
Over and over again,
Up and down.

The trees in the wind
Cracking, howling in pain,
Onto the many rivers and dykes in the sticks.

---------------------------------------------------

Im a person whos beginning to like to write poetry and woundered how people who are not in my family or my friends think of my poems.(they tend to not say that they dont like it if it wasnt good.)

Please give me any tips that could help me in the future.

i noticed it may be a little short to some other poems ive read.

divine chaos
Senior Member

since 2006-07-09

Posts 617
dancing 'neath the moon

1 posted 2006-07-29 12:12 PM

the length of the poem doesn't
matter a bit, what matters is the
meaning behind the words,
and the feelings the words elicit,
but mostly,
what it means to you
is what matters most.

write from your heart
and you can't really go wrong

Welcome to PiP!
Will look forward to reading
more of you

~*Sheli*~

By words the mind is winged
~Aristophanes~

TinaTrivett
Senior Member

since 2006-07-15

Posts 569

2 posted 2006-07-29 12:50 PM

I really enjoyed this piece. You have talent indeed. I could feel the cold, see the water running..etc. Good stuff...keep 'em coming.

Edward Grim
Senior Member

since 2005-12-18

Posts 1154
Greenville, South Carolina

3 posted 2006-07-29 01:02 PM

I am happy to see that you are starting poetry. What I like the most I think is that you didn't do the typical rhymes. Some first time poets and even the seasoned poets think that consistent rhyming and patterned rhyming is the only way to do poetry (it's not). You seem to have good head sense about the free verse of poetry.

I know what you mean about the family, too. When I started writing at 8, my family loved everything I did. Of course, at the time I was writing lyrical and epic poems using the old languages. Now, ten years later, I'm writing absurdism and modernistic verse, they either tell me they love it or hate it; which is great. You'll get to that point where they'll start to tell you what they think. Just keep on them with the questions: "Are you sure you like it?" "Don't just tell me you like it, critique it." They'll get better.

But in the mean time, keep writing, because you have great potential in this field. Welcome to PiP's. Cheers - Ed

I'm not smart, I'm just a tricky dumb person.

Sole
Junior Member

since 2006-07-29

Posts 13
England

4 posted 2006-07-29 01:51 PM

Thanks alot for all of the replys you have helped my confidence no end, ill continue to post my poems that i have written since about the age of 12.

If anyone esle wished to post all comment are welcome

thanks for your time.

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

5 posted 2006-07-29 02:46 PM

Any person who has decided to
create...via word, paint, with color,
vision...or even music...

begins a life-long love of answering
to a deeper need.

I applaud your first effort, and hope
to see many more visits by your pen
and muse.

Mostly, just enjoy the muse...and explore
the varied and many ways in which to
enjoy the journey you've begun.

Oh, by the way.

Welcome to PiP!
Please check your email for a very special greeting!

Sole
Junior Member

since 2006-07-29

Posts 13
England

6 posted 2006-07-29 02:50 PM

Thanks sunshine really opened up the field for me.

im in the middle of writing my second poem now and im enjoying it very much. Should be finshed within the next 2 hours i hope.

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

7 posted 2006-07-29 05:58 PM

I liked this one...very descriptive!

Welcome to Passions!

seraphin
Senior Member

since 2000-09-24

Posts 1004
Michigan

8 posted 2006-07-29 11:41 PM

A very nice work. You have talent, and your own form. Maintain the latter, stay individual, and above all else, keep writing.

aziza
Member Elite

since 2006-07-09

Posts 2995
Lumpy Oatmeal makes me Crazy!

9 posted 2006-07-30 02:03 AM

All I know is I really like what I read. Great job and welcome.

aziza

Sole
Junior Member

since 2006-07-29

Posts 13
England

10 posted 2006-07-30 06:53 AM

I usally just sit down and start writing when something comes to hand, i dotn take aay notice of the form or how im writing it just feels right. So forgive me if my next poem isnt as good because of the form.

Enchantress
Member Empyrean

since 2001-08-14

Posts 35113
Canada eh.

11 posted 2006-07-30 09:24 AM

I very much enjoyed your entrance post.
Welcome to Passions!
~Smiles & Hugs, Nancy~

For it was not into my ear you whispered
But into my heart..
It was not my lips you kissed
But my soul.

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