heart picnic . (The Weed, #28)

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James_A_Fraser
Senior Member

since 2003-09-03

Posts 972
Out Making Anticlines

0 posted 2006-07-18 11:14 PM

heart picnic

I keep my heart in a basket
            your leftovers
       to hold              tight
             aloof
        nobody's picnic anymore
             my own to eat
hug myself low, hard
and it keeps the pain down
   sometimes at least

      like breathing light
           in a manhole's open reek
or the musk of a candle shop
    can stop the asthma
          for a while

      air must come
   realization
        penetrate like ants
    in the lungs
and I am drowning in tiny
    stick leg creatures
     that dig at my resistance
burrow along the nerves
each gouging out
          a hundred times
     its own weight
         from the basket
               the basket
as it goes empty
except for pain
       your leftovers
   that I can't
hold in my chest
              anymore
   and it is
all the ants left
          behind

(The Weed, No. 28)

Midnitesun

Member Empyrean

since 2001-05-18

Posts 28647
Gaia

1 posted 2006-07-19 12:01 PM

Now this sounds like a serious struggle!
Even the layout of the words suggests
a difficulty in breathing, a struggle to survive a rocky relationship,
a struggle just to stay alive.

Nice way to release some pentup pain though.

suthern

Member Seraphic

since 1999-07-29

Posts 20723
Louisiana

2 posted 2006-07-19 08:50 AM

and it keeps the pain down
sometimes at least

Sometimes, nothing will... and it spills down your page in magnificent gasps.

Excellent write, my friend... I just wish it felt more like imagination instead of experience.

Marge Tindal

Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-06

Posts 42384
Florida's Foreverly Shores

3 posted 2006-07-19 03:24 PM

JaimeMyJaime~

'the basket
as it goes empty
except for pain
       your leftovers
   that I can't
hold in my chest
              anymore
   and it is
all the ants left
          behind'

Just makes me want to hold you close,
brush away the crumbs and hug you tight~

*Huglets*
~*Marge*~

~*The sound of a kiss is not as strong as that of a cannon, but it's echo endures much longer*~
Email - [email protected]

Marge Tindal

Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-06

Posts 42384
Florida's Foreverly Shores

4 posted 2006-07-20 05:07 PM

For it simply deserves more reads ... and 'cause I can~

~*The sound of a kiss is not as strong as that of a cannon, but it's echo endures much longer*~
Email - [email protected]

Enchantress
Member Empyrean

since 2001-08-14

Posts 35113
Canada eh.

5 posted 2006-07-20 05:20 PM

WOW! I found myself holding my breath as I read.
This is one amazing write.
Hugs~Nancy

For it was not into my ear you whispered
But into my heart..
It was not my lips you kissed
But my soul.

Edward Grim
Senior Member

since 2005-12-18

Posts 1154
Greenville, South Carolina

6 posted 2006-07-20 06:00 PM

Fraser, this poem comes in a bucket. That probably doesn't mean anything but nonetheless, it was dumped on me. I really like. Cheers - Ed

I'm not smart, I'm just a tricky dumb person.

aziza
Member Elite

since 2006-07-09

Posts 2995
Lumpy Oatmeal makes me Crazy!

7 posted 2006-07-21 03:39 AM

like breathing light
           in a manhole's open reek
or the musk of a candle shop
    can stop the asthma
          for a while

I really liked those lines.

aziza

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