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Open Poetry #38
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iliana
Member Patricius
since 2003-12-05
Posts 13434
USA

0 posted 2006-06-24 02:04 AM


You are there
somewhere
on the other side.
I know only thin veils divide
us.
Even after all these years,
There is still

this hole

inside

that can’t be filled by anyone.

That’s the place you held in me
When we were in our Mother’s womb.

© Copyright 2006 J.A.A.Powell - All Rights Reserved
iliana
Member Patricius
since 2003-12-05
Posts 13434
USA
1 posted 2006-06-24 02:05 AM


There is a story behind this poem that might only make sense to someone who has lost a twin.  I did not actually know I was a twin until I was 37 years old and my Mother told me what happened when she was pregnant with me.  She said that she was in bed most of the pregnancy and believed she had a miscarriage, confirmed by her doctor.  I had never heard of that possibility, but all my life I knew something was missing.  I did some research and found out that it is not uncommon to lose a twin during pregnancy and have one born perfectly normal.  One of the studies I read explained to me many of the odd things I did when I was a child, like naming each of my big toes, the nostril on each side of my nose, each of my eyes, my ears, my two thumbs....anything on me that made two...it had a name.  Twins grieve the loss and don't even know what it is they are grieving many times.  Apparently, this was a commonality we who have lost twins at an early age or even in the womb, like me, tend to do.  When my mother told me, I was at first very angry because so much of my decision making process was based up to that point on the internalized grieving that had been going on for 37 years. ....'course I got over it, the anger that is.

OwlSA
Member Rara Avis
since 2005-11-07
Posts 9347
Durban, South Africa
2 posted 2006-06-24 02:21 AM


Sad, beautiful and very interesting.  I am glad you knew before you knew, and I am sure that your twin, looking down on you from the skies, is glad too.  I name almost everything (not just what there are two of, so I don't think I have a twin I don't know of - or do know of, for that matter) - Fiona the filing cabinet, Teddy and Bear, my current slippers, Ambi and Dextrous, my retired rabbit slippers, Camilla the camera, just to name a few.  

- Owl

poettothecars
Senior Member
since 2006-02-10
Posts 1093
New Zealand
3 posted 2006-06-24 02:26 AM


a poem worthy of such love, and one that helps us all try and understand this life of a lost twin

thanks

a poet who cares

iliana
Member Patricius
since 2003-12-05
Posts 13434
USA
4 posted 2006-06-24 02:28 AM


Thanks, Owl.  You know, I was so shocked when Mom told me on one hand because I thought that it was not possible to have a miscarriage and still have one embryo left.  That's why I researched it, along with the feeling of it being true...but there were all those years I didn't know...I just knew I was missing something and melancholy for no explanable reasons. The revelation of the truth set me free in so many ways.  
iliana
Member Patricius
since 2003-12-05
Posts 13434
USA
5 posted 2006-06-24 02:32 AM


Poet - thanks, I am glad you read the background.  This is the reason I posted the poem -- to draw attention to something maybe some folks aren't aware of, particularly women -- and I might add, I feel very strongly about explaining to a surviving child when they are old enough to understand and not leaving them in the dark about it.  
poettothecars
Senior Member
since 2006-02-10
Posts 1093
New Zealand
6 posted 2006-06-24 02:44 AM


I feel I need to add this note, how my mother's first child died as a baby a few days old, and she had a miscarriage before I was born.

Like there are many sides to everything, and to consider that option, of which I may not have been born, or here to share my words on pip, is just one of those sides.

Since I am "mother's youngest baby", while I am grateful I knew about the miscarriage most of my life. So of which relates to a poem I wrote, posted on pip, called "Destination of the Soul"

thanks for letting me be reminded of this as well

a poet who cares

iliana
Member Patricius
since 2003-12-05
Posts 13434
USA
7 posted 2006-06-24 02:57 AM


Yes, Poet, we are lucky to be here.  Thank you for adding that.  I will check out your poem, too.  *hugs*
Patricia
Member Elite
since 2003-04-06
Posts 2160
Missouri
8 posted 2006-06-24 08:48 AM


A very touching write.
  
Patricia

SmartChick
Member Rara Avis
since 2001-09-23
Posts 7081
On A Journey To The Unknown
9 posted 2006-06-24 11:24 AM


Awwww, this is so sad. Still, you wrote it in such a beautiful way.
Marge Tindal
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384
Florida's Foreverly Shores
10 posted 2006-06-24 11:28 AM


Iliana~
What a very touching true life story you have shared~

I can fully understand the void that would be left ... and to wait so long to find out would be most upsettling, I'm sure~

A forever twin ... suspended in time~

Bless you and thank you for letting us in~
*Huglets*
~*Marge*~

~*The sound of a kiss is not as strong as that of a cannon, but it's echo endures much longer*~
Email -       noles1@totcon.com     

latearrival
Member Ascendant
since 2003-03-21
Posts 5499
Florida
11 posted 2006-06-24 11:43 AM


This is so sad and yet beautiful in that you had those feelings all those years. I too wish your mom had thought to tell you much earlier.I know her intentions were good and she had her reasons for not saying anything. But the story is worthy of sharing and I feel it for you and am glad you were able to write it. martyjo
icebox
Member Elite
since 2003-05-03
Posts 4383
in the shadows
12 posted 2006-06-24 12:03 PM


Wonderfult!

"I know only thin veils divide
us. "

This may be felt in many ways, but the twinning way is without doubt the most strog.

The awareness of the "other" can bring much in awareness and insight.  

Thank you for sharing this.

JL
Member Ascendant
since 2004-04-01
Posts 6128
Texas, USA
13 posted 2006-06-24 08:53 PM


Jo:
You are so sweet to share this story.  And, I too believe when you meet your twin again you two will have a grand time together.  I bet she will giggle silly when she hears about your method of coping here on earth.  Beautifully written, Jo.  This is a keeper!!
You are blessed...
I hope you continue to write.

JL


Thomas, because thou hast seen me, thou hast believed:
blessed are they that have not seen, and yet have believed.
~Jesus Christ

Magnus
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Member Laureate
since 2001-10-10
Posts 14135
South Carolina, USA
14 posted 2006-06-24 09:08 PM


Not only am I glad you wrote this, but I am
also happy that you have shared this with
us,  it is touching and interesting as well.

jody5
Senior Member
since 2005-12-21
Posts 876
California, U.S.A.
15 posted 2006-06-24 09:27 PM


Iliana, That was the most touching and interesting storys I have heard here at Pip.  Thank you for sharing your greif.

Huggs Kimberly


Earth Angel
Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215
Realms of Light
16 posted 2006-06-24 09:48 PM


Jo, my sister's own twin was stillborn and I miscarried my firstborn daughter's twin. They were fraternal.
Then my sister was hit by a hit and run driver and she lost twins in her seventh month of pregnancy.

Your moving poem brought all those memories pouring into my mind. My sister has had feelings similar to yours.


Linda

Honeybunch
Member Rara Avis
since 2001-12-29
Posts 7115
South Africa
17 posted 2006-06-25 03:14 AM


Dear Jo - Oh, this so enforces the view that for everything there is a reason and, although saddened by your story, I'm very glad that you found your reason for the feeling held inside you all these years.  It could have been a great sacrifice on the part of your twin for you to ... "shine" individually and, of course, you may not have even been here if not for the initial support and company. Thank you for sharing this, Jo!
  
Helen

Earth Angel
Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215
Realms of Light
18 posted 2006-06-25 06:36 AM


Jo, I loved Bunches of Honey's response. It was as though the twin I lost gave many gifts to her surviving twin. My daughter was born at twice the normal weight! She was two feet long and 12 pounds 6 1/2 ounces. She's now stands at 5'11" (sound familiar?!? ) and has a double dose of brains, beauty, talent, and goodness! ~ Just like you, my precious friend!

Loving you,

Linda
Flowers


nakdthoughts
Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200
Between the Lines
19 posted 2006-06-25 09:23 AM


My Father was a twin ( as was his Mother)...I always wished it had passed down to me, his kind didn't skip generations but it was one Uncle( a non-twin) who had the next set of twins.

There seem to be so many more twins today...not sure why.

A very heartfelt story Jo...and sad. Even though there were 7 years difference between myself and my sister I always felt a very close connection and we had so many "things" in common even though we grew up in  different generations.


M

Margherita
Member Seraphic
since 2003-02-08
Posts 22236
Eternity
20 posted 2006-06-25 09:46 AM


Poignant poem and story, dear Jo. Yes, there is a strong connection between twins, whether they are both still down here or not. My Mother was a twin and she always knew/felt everything that happened to her twin sister, even if separated by 1000 km.

I am sorry that you learned the truth so late, but now you know and you can consciously communicate with your sister's soul, I am sure.

Love and hugs.
Margherita

iliana
Member Patricius
since 2003-12-05
Posts 13434
USA
21 posted 2006-06-27 12:57 PM


Thank you all, sweet friends, for you comments -- so many interesting ones, too.  

Linda, a special hug, and a few  tears.......jo

iliana
Member Patricius
since 2003-12-05
Posts 13434
USA
22 posted 2006-06-27 12:58 PM


Thank you all, sweet friends, for you comments -- so many interesting ones, too.  

Linda, a special hug, and a few  tears.......jo

The Lady
Member Rara Avis
since 2005-12-26
Posts 7634
The Southwest
23 posted 2006-07-30 04:15 PM



This is an incredible story,
Jo. So touching. The poem
is comforting and strong.

Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
24 posted 2006-07-30 04:49 PM


One thing about parents and children; is that by the time we are old enough to have known something from our "earliest" days...it is not in the forefront of the parents' minds.  I also think that parents seem to believe, if they think of it, that our children are just "supposed" to know...

And yet, Jo, they tell us things that are subtle and intuitive...and we are left with naught but puzzling pieces to place together, one by one...and when we can accept them.

I'm glad you know, now.  

Now, where are my answers?  




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