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Les Gartner
Junior Member

since 2006-04-10

Posts 37
MD

0 posted 2006-04-17 09:12 PM

I hope that I am not breaking any rules about posting a translation rather than a poem that I wrote. Although I am not a poet, over the years I have translated some of Rilke's poetry. I hope that some of you will consider commenting on my translation of his

The Panther

His gaze has been so worn by the procession
of bars, that there is nothing it can hold.
A thousand bars comprise his sole impression,
a thousand bars, and the world beyond’s a void.

The supple gait that yields the forceful strides
which draws him into ever smaller circles and
like a dance of power about the center glides
in which a mighty will stands, impotent.

Only sometimes do the pupils' curtains
draw silently apart —. An image then gains entry
and, passing along the limbs' certain
stillness, stops in the heart and ceases to be.

—Rainer Maria Rilke
—translated by Leslie P. Gartner

Thank you for reading; and if I violated any agreements, please accept my apologies.

Les

Mysteria

Member Laureate

since 2001-03-07

Posts 18328
British Columbia, Canada

1 posted 2006-04-17 09:47 PM

I happen to love this poem as well as The Hydrangia (have you translated that one?) Your interpretation is very, very good, and below is a link to a site that you may want to add your translation to the growing list. Welcome to Passions In Poetry, and I am sure you will enjoy posting here. I really enjoyed your first posting.
http://www.thebeckoning.com/poetry/rilke/rilke3.html

Ron

Administrator

Member Rara Avis

since 1999-05-19

Posts 8669
Michigan, US

2 posted 2006-04-19 02:31 PM

bump ...

Balladeer

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-05

Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA

3 posted 2006-04-19 10:55 PM

You are breaking no rules, Les. The copyright had expired years ago and your translation of such a fine piece is well within our guidelines. Thank you for sharing it with us.

Marge Tindal

Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-06

Posts 42384
Florida's Foreverly Shores

4 posted 2006-04-20 07:25 AM

Les~
Welcome to PiP !

I greatly enjoyed reading this ...
having read some other translations of this writer's work ...
I believe you did such a fine, fine job~

It is nice to know that we have a new member who takes the time and effort to do things the right way~

Looking forward to more from you~

*Huglets*
~*Marge*~

~*The sound of a kiss is not as strong as that of a cannon, but it's echo endures much longer*~
Email - noles1@totcon.com

Les Gartner
Junior Member

since 2006-04-10

Posts 37
MD

5 posted 2006-04-20 11:17 AM

Thank you everyone for allowing me to post this translation on the Open Poetry Forum.

Mysteria: thank you for your comments and the URL of the website. I have not translated Hydrangea, perhaps that should be my next project.

Marge: Thank you for the welcome, the nice comments, and the "huglets."

It is nice to be welcomed to such a fine group of poets.

Les

Earth Angel
Member Empyrean

since 2002-08-27

Posts 40215
Realms of Light

6 posted 2006-04-20 12:41 PM

Hi, Les!

I almost missed reading this fine piece of poetic (and translative) excellence. It is most apparent to me why you are such a fan of this poet.

Les, it appears to me that you have the eyes, heart, and soul of a poet ~ and I have no doubt that you ARE a poet.

Love & Light,
Linda

Mysteria

Member Laureate

since 2001-03-07

Posts 18328
British Columbia, Canada

7 posted 2006-04-20 12:49 PM

Les, I am really looking forward to more of your translations. Do you have a site or a place you keep your others that I may read them? I love reading the Russian and Japanese poets translated especially.

Waste not a second ~ Carpe' Diem

Martie

Moderator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-09-21

Posts 28049
California

8 posted 2006-04-20 12:58 PM

Les....Welcome to Pip!! This translation was impressive!

Les Gartner
Junior Member

since 2006-04-10

Posts 37
MD

9 posted 2006-04-20 09:54 PM

Thank you Linda. That was very sweet of you to say that I am a poet, but, unfortunately, no, I am merely a translator. I do not have the gift that you express so readily.

Although I am a writer of textbooks, I am unable to create beautiful images.

Les

Les Gartner
Junior Member

since 2006-04-10

Posts 37
MD

10 posted 2006-04-20 09:58 PM

Thank you Mysteria. No, I do not have a website, all of my translations hide on my computer waiting to be released. I will post more of my translations later even though they like to hide in the dark recesses of my hard drive. As far as Russian and Japanese poets are concerned, I do not speak either of those languages. I love Anna Akhmatova's poems as well as those of Yevtushenko and will try to translate some of them from the Hungarian translations that I have read.

Les Gartner
Junior Member

since 2006-04-10

Posts 37
MD

11 posted 2006-04-20 10:03 PM

Martie,

Thank you for your being so kind. Unfortunately, I have to agree with Robert Lowell, that "translations are never finished; they are merely abandoned." That is one reason why I am so weary of releasing them.

Les

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