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Open Poetry #37
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Put this in your mind
| Open Poetry #37 |
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Put this in your mind |
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petemiz New Member
since 2006-03-19
Posts 8 |
Hello all, This is my first post. I am new to online forums to share my writing but have been writing for a few years now. I just turned 23 years old and I have shared my writings with friends for quite some time now. However, I feel their feedback has been lacking somewhat. So I now turn to forums where strangers who are completely unbiased can give me their opinions. This will probably be my first of many postings and I look forward to any responses, positive or negative. Thank you in advance. Put this in your mind Try to rewind To the last day you felt complete Remember the feeling? When your heart hit the ceiling Now remember when it hit your feet. Is there a change in a choice? Is there a scratch in your voice? When you think, then start to see That the choices you made Made this feeling fade Or, do you blame destiny Why all the reasons Their always in season Things are not destined It’s a chain of events That never relents Why is this not questioned? Were you in control? Well let’s take a stroll On a trip down memory lane Did you ever shout? I mean laid it all out On someone just trying to explain Did you ever react? Before you took a step back Put perspective on a situation All the hurtful things Spontaneity brings Can lead you towards isolation Every word you say Every choice you make Will, alter your course Watch what you do Life’s determined by you And not some outside force To hold onto the feeling Hold on to the meaning Of what, made you complete Don’t reside Just knowing you tried It’s a challenge you have to meet |
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| © Copyright 2006 petemiz - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Welcome to Passions, Petemiz. There are several ways for you to obtain feedback and critique. We have a critical analysis forum, for one. Another way is for you to visit the Member's Area, and go into your profile. You can leave a message that others will see when they are posting to your work, and they will realize you wish positive, constructive feedback. That way, no harm, no foul. We welcome poets of all ages! I'm glad you're taking time at 23 to indulge in writing. It will become a valuable tool to you in your future. Please, check your email for a very Special Greeting! " It matters not this distance now " Excerpt, Yesterday's Love |
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petemiz New Member
since 2006-03-19
Posts 8 |
Sunshine, I thank you and appreciate your warm welcome to this forum. I will try to learn the proper places to post ASAP  |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
You've got some wonderful phrases in your poem and I like the rhyme scheme you used. I usually read poetry for the emotional feel of it and don't feel quite up to critiquing someone's work. But I do think you have talent! I look forward to reading more from you. And welcome to Passions! I hope you enjoy your time here!  |
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ThisDiamond Member Rara Avis
since 2002-02-22
Posts 9353Michigan, USA |
Welcome to Passions. Talented is an honest critique. We gather here to release our innate gifts, articulate emotions and practice our art. Your entrance poem was thought provoking, well written in rhyme and imagery...and made ripples through my brain with it's wisdom. Liked this...write more. ThisDiamond |
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Enchantress Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113Canada eh. |
Welcome to Passions! A most excellent thought provoking entrance piece. I look forward to reading more of your words. ~Smiles & Hugs, Nancy~ ~ Trace my body with your words, |
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cody 2 Junior Member
since 2006-03-12
Posts 48london |
i liked your poem and like you im a new member, finding my way about, i find if you run poems through your head anough times you often see the change thats needed to make what was good even better by changing even a few words,well done |
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The Lady Member Rara Avis
since 2005-12-26
Posts 7634The Southwest |
Welcome Petemiz. Interesting, well written poem. I look forward to more. |
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Goldenrose Member Elite
since 2003-05-30
Posts 3665 |
Enjoyed your first post here, i should think that you will have many good poems to offer us here...welcome to PIP..thank you for sharing the words.. Goldenrose Desire for nothing except desirelessness,hope for nothing except to rise above all hopes, want nothing and you will have everything.avatar Meher Baba. |
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petemiz New Member
since 2006-03-19
Posts 8 |
Thank you all for your kind words. Look for my next in the critique section. I already feel at home here |
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curiouse Member
since 2006-03-21
Posts 277england |
great poem.welcome, curiouse |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
definitely a thought-provoking write, I enjoyed the message Welcome to Passions, I will be reading more of your work |
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Earth Angel Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215Realms of Light |
Hi, petemiz! Welcome to pipTalk! May these blue pages become a home-away-from-home!  "Every word you say Every choice you make Will, alter your course" ~ Indeed, 'tis true! I enjoyed your debut poem! Warm, welcoming hug, Earth Angel |
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