Akron - for the masquerade

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Ratleader

Member Rara Avis

since 2003-01-23

Posts 7026
Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass

0 posted 2006-01-14 02:03 PM

Akron

leaving
       her red basket
       with the clerk

passing by a line
        of morning gray
        carts

a smile now because
         no one noticed
         her tears

Martie

Moderator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-09-21

Posts 28049
California

1 posted 2006-01-14 02:37 PM

Hi Ed

I like this...the simplicity. It is like you looked at a work of art and wrote what you saw. Also, you use a simple name as a title...like our pipster Juan Yi so often does. I think that is who you are masquerading as. Well done!

Of course I could be wrong. ?

Enchantress
Member Empyrean

since 2001-08-14

Posts 35113
Canada eh.

2 posted 2006-01-14 03:04 PM

Ed, I would go along with Martie's
guess as well and say it is John.

Well done..very well done.

In the midst of winter,
I found there lives within me..
An invincible summer.

iliana
Member Patricius

since 2003-12-05

Posts 13434
USA

3 posted 2006-01-14 03:06 PM

Hmmmm....could be him, but I think it could be Misc'e, too. Good write, Ed.

...jo

Dark Angel
Member Patricius

since 1999-08-04

Posts 10095

4 posted 2006-01-14 03:21 PM

Hmmm yes could be John, but I am also seeing our one and only Aenimal..he is sooo cute when he is fluffed up.

great work here Ed.

Mxx

how i would love you, love you as no one ever did! Die and still, love you more. And still love you more..and more
~Neruda~

Kethry
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-07-29

Posts 9082
Victoria Australia

5 posted 2006-01-14 04:27 PM

I know, I know! You are masquerading as a wolf pretending to be be red riding hood... but that doesn't explain the unseen tears. Perhaps a hospital volunteer...but that doesn't explain the red basket...perhaps our own dear suthern but that doesn't explain the grey morning trollies...perhaps I don't know after all. Anyway whatever the marquerade, the mask is well doen.

Here in the midst of my lonely abyss, a single joy I find...your presence in my mind. Unknown

Ratleader

Member Rara Avis

since 2003-01-23

Posts 7026
Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass

6 posted 2006-01-14 04:45 PM

Bull's-eye...John it is!

Early this morning, my local supermarket, picking up a couple of things....and feeling desolate.

I saw a young woman who had paused outside with a small sack of groceries, looking pretty empty herself....and I made the story I saw in her face the one I told in the poem.

I think the key is, find something that begs to be said in the way a certain person expresses their own vision....and it's hard ~not~ to match their way.

I'm cheating here though, because I'm experienced...I consider John to be the premiere poet at this site, in short-line poetry....and this is most definitely not the first time I've tried to rise to the level he seems to reach so easily, by managing to pick up some traces of his style and make them my own.

~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº> ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº>
______________Ratleader______________

OwlSA
Member Rara Avis

since 2005-11-07

Posts 9347
Durban, South Africa

7 posted 2006-01-14 05:07 PM

I love the poem, Ratleader, and yes, it is easy to see Huan Yi in the style. I love the fact that, as the poet, even though the subject is partly fiction, you noticed the tears (or at least the emptiness).

- Owl

suthern

Member Seraphic

since 1999-07-29

Posts 20723
Louisiana

8 posted 2006-01-16 07:55 AM

Huan Yi is one of my favorite poets... I think you've met the challenge well... and honored one of our finest. *S*

Beautiful write, my kind-hearted friend! *S*

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