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Open Poetry #37
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jisei
| Open Poetry #37 |
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jisei |
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Ratleader
since 2003-01-23
Posts 7026Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass 
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jisei breathing continues whether or not it is mine white petal tumbling whether or not it is mine makes room for a newborn seed |
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| © Copyright 2006 Ed Ratledge - All Rights Reserved | |||
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suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
How very beautiful!! There's both strength and sadness in your words... demise and rebirth... Lovely!!! |
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Enchantress Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113Canada eh. |
Exquisite Ed...keeping this one. Hugs~Nancy ~ Trace my body with your words, |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
Ratleader Wether or not it is yours. LOL |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
keep on breathing now tomorow there will be time listen to my heart Ed...Your poem is a new form to me....made me think and look up a few things. Thank you for that.  |
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iliana Member Patricius
since 2003-12-05
Posts 13434USA |
Ed, I really like this one. Have a great day -- breath it all in! ...jo |
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The Lady Member Rara Avis
since 2005-12-26
Posts 7634The Southwest |
Outstanding! Very interesting form of poetry. Thank you for the lesson. |
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Ratleader
since 2003-01-23
Posts 7026Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass |
It's my first real try at one -- and Sy's got it right...I was consciously trying for the effect of making the poem go on after the words stop....an important part of the poem's deeper dimensions. After all, we go on after life stops, so why not say so, and wordlessly if I could? Am I splitting hairs to call that part of a poem its dimensions, instead of saying "meaning"? Somehow it seems to work better, the way I think about things....because to me a poem does have a shape, and it has a form with...well, with dimensions. ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº> ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº> |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
It's like baseball or golf....when you swing, you do better if you follow through with the movement, even though you've already hit the ball. |
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Marge Tindal
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
Ed~ I marvel at your ease with words ... this wanders through my mind as a pondering thought~ Thank you for introducing me to the form~ *Huglets* ~*Marge*~ ~*The sound of a kiss is not as strong as that of a cannon, but it's echo endures much longer*~ |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
... whether or not the bearing age... yes, a lesson of style to study, and accept... thank you, Ed |
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OwlSA Member Rara Avis
since 2005-11-07
Posts 9347Durban, South Africa |
Enjoyed the turn in the pathway . . . - Owl |
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OwlSA Member Rara Avis
since 2005-11-07
Posts 9347Durban, South Africa |
Please tell me the meaning/origin/significance of the title. - Owl |
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Ratleader
since 2003-01-23
Posts 7026Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass |
Glad to -- it’s actually not a title, it’s just a description of what the poem is. Jisei the name for a Japanese death poem, and this one is written in that style. Mine probably wouldn’t be considered as being very good, because I refer a little too directly to myself….cultured people didn’t (don’t) do that in their death poems. It’s all done by signs and symbols, which I also used…the falling blossom is a classic expression of coming death and its inevitability. I’m not about to croak, by the way – just using the style to say some things I somehow felt a need to say! They’re generally done in Waka form, like an extended Haiku…five lines with a syllable count of 5-7-5-7-7…. they’re meant to show inner peace and acceptance of one’s fate…to say that there’s beauty even in the ending of life, and to help encourage and console the people who are left behind. ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº> ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº> |
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suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
Thank you for that explanation. *S* Even though your words relate to you, I'd say you succeeded beautifully... in both the write of the poem and introducing many of us to an unfamiliar format. *S* I'm just thankful this is an exercise in creating memorable poetry... and that you're not about to croak! LOL |
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Huan Yi Member Ascendant
since 2004-10-12
Posts 6688Waukegan |
breathing continues whether or not it is mine-- white petal tumbling makes room for newborn seed Good Ed |
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Ratleader
since 2003-01-23
Posts 7026Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass |
Got me thinking, you did...... white petal tumbling makes room for a newborn seed breathing continues ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº> ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº> |
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suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
I didn't think that perfection could get better... but... you've managed! *S* Fantastic work... keep it up, guys! *S* |
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Ratleader
since 2003-01-23
Posts 7026Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass |
Shortening a poem (or any other piece of writing!) and trying to preserve all the meaning and impact...is an excellent exercise for any writer. I couldn't do that with this and still hold all the dimensions, but I still like the result. I used to do that exercise with almost every poem I wrote, and as often as not, the new poem would become the poem! ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº> ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº> |
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desert-spike Member
since 2006-02-01
Posts 194TX/USA |
This poem makes me think of my daughter, who will be born in June.  |
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Ratleader
since 2003-01-23
Posts 7026Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass |
Exactly...and if you were to die now, she would go on. If you had an adopted child, or a friend close as a brother or sister would be....they would go on...and so would you, in them. ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº> ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº> |
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StevenS Senior Member
since 2005-09-21
Posts 945L. A. (Lower Alabama) |
Ratleader, It's awesome how you put so much into so few words. Magnificent! :-) |
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miscellanea Member Elite
since 2004-06-24
Posts 4060OH |
breathing continues whether or not it is mine white petal tumbling whether or not it is mine makes room for a newborn seed Beautiful writing! This leaves me breathless, so I know it's not my breathing--it must be yours! You are quite alive, seeding new ideas all the time! Loving this poem, Ed. miscellanea |
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Huan Yi Member Ascendant
since 2004-10-12
Posts 6688Waukegan |
Making room for new breathing White petal tumbling— Ah |
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Deep_Inside Member
since 2002-02-14
Posts 377i can't stop hiding |
nice |
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Ratleader
since 2003-01-23
Posts 7026Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass |
Wow, you are the champ! |
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Magnus
since 2001-10-10
Posts 14135South Carolina, USA |
I like this...and Martie's explanation.. Superb...thanx Ed. |
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