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Juju
Member Elite

since 2003-12-29

Posts 3429
In your dreams

0 posted 2005-07-24 12:55 PM

Life as a coffee shop

She sits down and closes her eyes
Takes a drink and opens her books
And puts her soul in dead man’s words

They say some come for the coffee

The words written on the walls say
“There is no life before coffee”
And so she watches the people:
They come and go and come and go

They say some come for the coffee

A woman of sixty-four years
Kissed her whisky like a lover
-Was some kind of entrapanoir-
Made Jack Daniel’s frappuccino

They say some come for the coffee

Long ago a wise man once said
“Forget everything you know
And live life as a coffee shop:
Open, clean, and air conditioned”

They say some come for the coffee

And so she closed her eyes again
-It wouldn't matter who she was-
And ordered some more coffee

They say some come for the coffee

Umm.... this is one of those poems that I am just gunna keep picking at. I changed it back to the origanal words for now. I don't think I will submit poems after bed time lol.

Juju - 1.) a magic charm or fetish 2.)Magic 3.)A taboo connected woth the use of magic

The dictionary never lies.... I am magical (;

Midnitesun

Member Empyrean

since 2001-05-18

Posts 28647
Gaia

1 posted 2005-07-24 05:33 PM

"Jack Daniel’s frappuccino"

cannot imagine this, but know many who can

I do like Amaretto and coffee

but then, there is much more to this than the flavored coffee metaphors

Juju
Member Elite

since 2003-12-29

Posts 3429
In your dreams

2 posted 2005-07-24 06:55 PM

Yeah good stuff.
I am glad you understood this one. It was and still very difficult one to write.

Juju - 1.) a magic charm or fetish 2.)Magic 3.)A taboo connected woth the use of magic

The dictionary never lies.... I am magical (;

Huan Yi
Member Ascendant

since 2004-10-12

Posts 6688
Waukegan

3 posted 2005-07-24 08:15 PM

I think you should leave it alone
except for "sole"(?).

It says much without saying it directly
which often is the best way to say it.

It's pretty good.

kaile

Member Ascendant

since 2000-02-06

Posts 5146
singapore

4 posted 2005-07-24 10:09 PM

this was such an insightful into the mind of the woman that i felt like a trespasser. very good word protrait. i also adored how you included philosophical quotes within your poem~they created more space for this reader to ponder.

quote:
A woman of sixty-four years
Kissed her whisky like a lover

i liked these lines very much. hints at how lonely she felt

good job, to my library this goes

Juju
Member Elite

since 2003-12-29

Posts 3429
In your dreams

5 posted 2005-07-24 11:38 PM

I found a mistake the main charector and the old woman are supose to be to different poeple. Fortunitly the message stays the same... Perhapps I will revise this one later.. I have to find a way to transition it too. Ahg... aweek later and still finding gliches. I think I will leave it. It was supose to be the girl watching the old woman... and being afraid of becoming that... but the basic theme stays the same underlining the poem so I will just redo it later perhapps.

Thank you John and Kaile,

-Juju

Juju - 1.) a magic charm or fetish 2.)Magic 3.)A taboo connected woth the use of magic

The dictionary never lies.... I am magical (;

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-16

Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA

6 posted 2005-07-25 03:11 AM

Fine as it is...James

Juju
Member Elite

since 2003-12-29

Posts 3429
In your dreams

7 posted 2005-07-25 11:01 AM

Thank you Micheal

-Juju

Juju - 1.) a magic charm or fetish 2.)Magic 3.)A taboo connected woth the use of magic

The dictionary never lies.... I am magical (;

StarryEyed3
Member

since 2005-06-26

Posts 58
bostonia

8 posted 2005-07-26 05:02 PM

what an original idea- i love this poem. your work in so subtlely honest. i cant wait to read more!

"and i'll sit and wonder of every love that could have been
if i'd only thought of something charming to say..."
-death cab

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

9 posted 2005-07-26 06:27 PM

I think this is wonderful Juju.

And some do come for the coffee.

They stay because of the company.

And I'll be reading you again, because of this...

Juju
Member Elite

since 2003-12-29

Posts 3429
In your dreams

10 posted 2005-07-26 06:46 PM

Oh thank you so much. I had worked on this poem for over a week I think it is among the best of mine.

-Juju

Juju - 1.) a magic charm or fetish 2.)Magic 3.)A taboo connected woth the use of magic

The dictionary never lies.... I am magical (;

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

11 posted 2005-07-26 06:46 PM

It IS.

Juju
Member Elite

since 2003-12-29

Posts 3429
In your dreams

12 posted 2005-07-26 06:48 PM

Thank you.

-Juju

Juju - 1.) a magic charm or fetish 2.)Magic 3.)A taboo connected woth the use of magic

The dictionary never lies.... I am magical (;

Juju
Member Elite

since 2003-12-29

Posts 3429
In your dreams

13 posted 2007-02-18 02:09 PM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o7wFLC1n8UA
Here is the link to the video

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