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gemjop
Member Elite

since 2002-11-18

Posts 2587
Pencilveinia, USA

0 posted 2006-01-06 02:10 AM

When I was somewhat his

You and I
could not have been less alike

Sally Anne

of nineteen
with your black curls
and vodka tongue

Unwashed

You and he
Were mirrors

In that compressed
maze,

You both
could see

over the top

(such
perfected
dramatics)

But crawled
A martyr

No wonder
you drowned
together

Back and forth
in tides

Of games
and insecure
directions.

Sally Anne
I pitied you

and loved him
awash
with the same.

But I looked today

And knew you

where you once
caught my eye
with haggard
premature scowls

You slice
now

blood-red
a pulse
of lips

and sparkling eyes
lined
with precision
charcoal

creeping canvasses

that I’m sure
he once dulled.

Aquamarine

are laced
with lashes
false
but fitting
to the lengths
of which you'ved changed

You are still
where you once
rolled
grubby
in angst
with red wrists
instead
of red lips,

And though
We were never same
Nor will be

I see me in you
And you
In me.

[This message has been edited by gemjop (01-06-2006 03:02 AM).]

aujussy wolf

Senior Member

since 2003-08-09

Posts 1215
Michigan

1 posted 2006-01-06 02:23 AM

a soul diver , into the deep waters of love
and back to the shore once more
heavy poem gem . ... happy new year
peace ~ J

littlewing
Member Rara Avis

since 2003-03-02

Posts 9655
New York

2 posted 2006-01-06 08:52 AM

its kind of scary when we take a good look at ourselves, especially when we see us in others,
as you have here and maybe not exactly the same, but hints of them.

I do that all the time.

Your spirit is growing Gemma.
Its a beautiful thing.

LeeJ
Member Patricius

since 2003-06-19

Posts 13296

3 posted 2006-01-06 09:21 AM

Gemma, your amazing

haunare laced
with lashes
false
but fitting
to the lengths
of which you'ved changed

Margherita
Member Seraphic

since 2003-02-08

Posts 22236
Eternity

4 posted 2006-01-06 11:05 AM

quote:
And though
We were never same
Nor will be

I see me in you
And you
In me.

This is a very mature conclusion in my opinion. We are One.
Deep psychological write!

Love,
Margherita

Dominique-Simone
Senior Member

since 2005-11-12

Posts 643

5 posted 2006-01-06 11:08 AM

this is brillaint..Very plath or sexton to me...

of nineteen
with your black curls
and vodka tongue

Your decriptions are powerful. Good job!

gemjop
Member Elite

since 2002-11-18

Posts 2587
Pencilveinia, USA

6 posted 2006-01-06 12:08 PM

Thankyou for your replies. You say things that I dont deserve, and Lee, that line was only what it was because Raph pointed out it didn't sit right the way i had written it before, so thanks to him.

It was a weird one to write, about an ex of an ex boyfriend. If that makes any sense. Though since she was always there, lingering for some time, i suppose it's not so weird to me.

Thankyou for your kind words.

shades of paul
Member

since 2005-12-14

Posts 370
In Reality

7 posted 2006-01-07 10:36 AM

I do like your style.......paul

shades of peace,love,and happiness to you

Kaoru

Member Elite

since 2003-06-07

Posts 3892
where the wild flowers grow

8 posted 2006-01-07 03:35 PM

Simply brilliant.

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

9 posted 2006-01-07 03:36 PM

the ex of an ex?

Not only did that make sense, but I "got" it first read...

I enjoyed this much.

Sad to know that we understand some people so much better in retrospect.

A great job, and a treat to read.

Dark Angel
Member Patricius

since 1999-08-04

Posts 10095

10 posted 2006-01-07 04:29 PM

Dominique - Simone said it best for me... "Very Plath or Sexton to me"

ahuh... I totally agree...

God Gemma this is...
abso-freakin lutely brilliant!

just WOW!

you've collapsed me.

library.

m xx

how i would love you, love you as no one ever did! Die and still, love you more. And still love you more..and more
~Neruda~

Skyfire

Member Elite

since 2000-12-27

Posts 3381
Riding

11 posted 2006-01-07 06:23 PM

Gemma this is mind blowing. Fantastic!

and then He created the horse...

OwlSA
Member Rara Avis

since 2005-11-07

Posts 9347
Durban, South Africa

12 posted 2006-01-08 02:01 AM

For all the pain of loss, I (and I think, you,) believe that you are far better off than Sally Anne, for you came out whole, perhaps scarred, but whole and with all of your spirit. I hope the pain has lessened, and if not, that it will, and eventually definitely disappear, except for a poignant memory, if it hasn't already done that.

Excellent poem masterfully crafted, of course! But what else would it be, if written by you?

- Owl

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-16

Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA

13 posted 2006-01-08 02:16 AM

Nice...James

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

14 posted 2006-01-08 06:55 AM

Gemma, what DA said...

along with a brava!

Excellent writing!

CMGrimm
Senior Member

since 2000-02-14

Posts 685
USA

15 posted 2006-01-08 09:06 AM

as true to form as i knew you would be...again you have astonished me..

great read

chris

Never be a carbon copy of anybody...make your own impressions. - ANON.

The Lady
Member Rara Avis

since 2005-12-26

Posts 7634
The Southwest

16 posted 2006-01-08 05:16 PM

Wonderful poem!

"are laced
with lashes
false
but fitting
to the lengths
of which you'ved changed"

...and the end is so tight. Good work.

Danie Franklin
Member

since 2005-12-05

Posts 68

17 posted 2006-01-09 01:06 AM

Gem,
Absolutely great write you catch the feelings of every reader.

Danie

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