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Open Poetry #36
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Rainbow
| Open Poetry #36 |
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Rainbow |
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ChemicalRepose Member
since 2004-03-28
Posts 102 |
A golden ray, as she unveils her beauty. Another moment, just wanting to be alone and free. Look at her, floating like a bird. Look at her, covered and disturbed. All throughout the day she stayed. All the clouds in the world couldn't come between me and her. Pushing and weaving through the crowd a storm arrived, but she wouldn't fall down. Tear drops fell like a raging waterfall, but she still shined, giving her all. Suddenly she began to give in, and allowed him seven. Now I sat with a view so brilliant, not willing to forget how she was so diligent. Another golden sight as she departs, only for the night. I sighed a little, but she knows, she won the fight. Look at her, fading into the horizon. Look at her, humbled and crying. |
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| © Copyright 2005 Ben - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Huan Yi Member Ascendant
since 2004-10-12
Posts 6688Waukegan |
“and allowed him seven.” ? “she won the fight.” How about: “she won the battle.” …………………….. It’s a good poem, which is why I suggest . . . John |
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ChemicalRepose Member
since 2004-03-28
Posts 102 |
I agree with your suggestion for the battle. And the seven is meant to be obscure, maybe too obscure, seven is the amount of colors in a rainbow. |
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Susan Caldwell Member Rara Avis
since 2002-12-27
Posts 8348Florida |
I enjoyed this as well. Very well done rhyme and rhythm while still keeping with the theme.  "too bad ignorance isn't painful" |
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