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Open Poetry #36
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Dawn
| Open Poetry #36 |
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Dawn |
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Magnus
since 2001-10-10
Posts 14135South Carolina, USA 
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Dawn, dimpled in red, hovers tranquil in the sated hunger of darkness that quietly cloaks the embers. Prodding the lone cock's cry, defiant in haunting hues that await the farmer’s plow as shocks are shorn and toils are tilled endlessly. Come, lie before the maker’s eyes and bless the softened soul, for in the dawn lies peace...and peace rides the cocky comet’s tail into the blackness beyond the awe of meager man. [This message has been edited by Magnus (11-15-2005 08:29 PM).] |
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| © Copyright 2005 Barry J. Tackett - All Rights Reserved | |||
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MARK V SHELDON Member Elite
since 2001-06-21
Posts 3015In a corporeal internship... |
Masterful descriptions and sensitive hues -- truly a painting in words. -MVS You CAN make a difference, but first you should learn how: http://educate-yourself.org/intro.shtml |
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Nightshade
since 2001-08-31
Posts 13962just out of reach |
Very nicely done Magnus my friend. hugs, Chris Poetry is an echo, asking a shadow to dance. |
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Earth Angel Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215Realms of Light |
Magnus  EA  |
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Enchantress Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113Canada eh. |
"Come, lie before the maker’s eyes and bless the softened soul, for in the dawn lies peace...and peace rides the cocky comet’s tail into the blackness beyond the awe of meager man." Exquisite Barry....well done!! Hugs~Nancy Now - while the leaves still dance on the wind |
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Marge Tindal
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
Magnus~ 'Come, lie before the maker’s eyes and bless the softened soul, for in the dawn lies peace' Just LOVELY, my friend~ *Huglets*  ~*Marge*~ ~*No matter what I search for ... |
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Gentle Spirit Member Patricius
since 2000-10-09
Posts 13989 |
"Come, lie before the maker’s eyes and bless the softened soul, for in the dawn lies peace." OH geez Barry, collapse me why dontcha.  LOVELY yeah, I'm keepin it.......  |
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OwlSA Member Rara Avis
since 2005-11-07
Posts 9347Durban, South Africa |
Lovely! Dawn as you experienced it with all five senses (if one counts the implied smell of the tilled earth)! The only part that worried me a little was "shocks / are shorn and toils are tilled". In my humble opinion, it doesn't make sense that way and it detracts from the excellence of the poem. I realise that you wanted alliteration and something unique and unexpected, but personally I would have preferred "sheep / are shorn" (you would still have had the alliteration there - or you could have had "flocks") and another word for "toils", like "fields" for example. That way, for me, it would still have been unique, but it would have made sense and it would have fitted in with the pastoral ambiance of the poem. But, that is just me. Other than that, I think it is very beautiful and I enjoyed it very much. - Owl |
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bgj Member
since 2005-11-09
Posts 128Ga. USA |
You have a masterful way of putting words together. This is excellent. Lots of luck, bgj |
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Ratleader
since 2003-01-23
Posts 7026Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass |
Even the little things, are so much bigger than we could ever be.....thank you for this. ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº> ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº> |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Barry An amazing view through your eyes...just lovely! |
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SmartChick Member Rara Avis
since 2001-09-23
Posts 7081On A Journey To The Unknown |
This is very nice, Magnus! |
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Kaoru
since 2003-06-07
Posts 3892where the wild flowers grow |
I'm going to have to ditto Mr. R. Leader... for he said it best. |
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