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Open Poetry #36
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Science in Flight - Sestina
| Open Poetry #36 |
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Science in Flight - Sestina |
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Kethry Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-29
Posts 9082Victoria Australia 
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Here in the aftermath of mourning where black is a colour too pale to describe the abyss and platitudes create tumult there is a hollow that holds mystery that leads me to thoughts old and savage where grief draws its own conclusions I think of all the endings, all the unjust conclusions, the shades of innuendo that chastise my mourning and changes that scour my soul to leave me savage failing in the shadow of the abyss. How life goes on is mystery, when surrounded by rebellion and tumult. It seems since time's beginning, there is tumult. Life had new beginnings, but conclusions are the realm of faith and mystery, and cycles of life lead to hope or mourning; the springtime flowers trapped in life’s abyss, while everything that’s tame grows wild and savage Civilized, we mask the beast that’s savage though change is generated through tumult. It seems that everlasting is an abyss of microcosms, drawing their conclusions living and surviving without mourning, and sharing in the moment’s mystery. Where there is science is there mystery? The explanations shown are somewhat savage they take away the faith of loss and mourning, and foment logic, still-born of tumult. The masses learn to draw their own conclusions through good or bad, we guess, till the abyss. The world is turning still and no abyss will ever take away life’s mystery; we see through layers of time all life’s conclusions and tread the path of history grown savage; see new horizons through the day’s tumult where veils are shed with the loss of mourning. If an abyss is the doom that makes us savage and mystery the goad that leads to tumult surely life draws its own conclusions through joy and mourning. Here in the midst of my lonely abyss, a single joy I find...your presence in my mind. Unknown |
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| © Copyright 2005 Lynne Dale - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Angelheart Senior Member
since 2005-09-08
Posts 754Jacksonville,FL USA |
nice write, thanks for sharing this. Poetry can get you very far |
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Pilgrimage Member Elite
since 2001-12-04
Posts 3945Texas, USA |
Oh Keth, this is outstanding. Sestinas tend to drag, and this one doesn't at all. I don't think you need a question mark at the end of the second strophe, and I think in the next line it should be time's instead of times. But other than that, all I can say is this is powerful. Nan (Pilgrim variety) |
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Kethry Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-29
Posts 9082Victoria Australia |
Nan, thanks I've made the changes you suggested. You're right of course about the suggestions. This is my first attempt at a Sestina and I chose the six words randomly. I suspect it may have flowed more if I had a theme. Cheers Angelheart, thanks for your response. Here in the midst of my lonely abyss, a single joy I find...your presence in my mind. Unknown |
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Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia |
I expect that I shall have to read this one at least five or six more times before I can leave an intelligent comment. It's such an intriguing write, and not just because I know nada...zilch...zero on a scale of 1-10 about sestinas. LOL. But the word abyss alone tripped me up once or twice, as I sought to fathom the depths of this mourning of science. See, I really do need more than three hours of sleep!  I'll be back. There are so many interesting lines in here, especially: " conclusions are the realm of faith and mystery, and cycles of life lead to hope or mourning; the springtime flowers trapped in life’s abyss, while everything that’s tame grows wild and savage" |
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dreamdc Member
since 2005-11-11
Posts 54Utah, USA |
Wow! I can remember when I took a creative writing class a while back and we had to write a sestina. To say the least I didn't really have a knack for it and told myself sestina's are not for me. This poem has made me want to try again! Great write! |
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iliana Member Patricius
since 2003-12-05
Posts 13434USA |
Kethry...quite an essay and it leaves me pondering much. Enjoyed.......jo |
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Dominique-Simone Senior Member
since 2005-11-12
Posts 643 |
This was very deep.. I truly enjoyed reading this |
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