What do you think of my poem?

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lilyelapink
New Member

since 2005-11-09

Posts 8
UK

0 posted 2005-11-09 02:02 PM

My son.
I held you first at 40 minutes old,
You looked up at me with navy blue eyes.
I looked down at you with chocolate brown eyes.
I couldn't dress you, feed you, look after you.
At night they came and took you away,
I was left alone.
We barely had time together.
Now you're a stranger, 3 years old you look at me with your eyes.
No longer blue but chocolate brown.
My eyes.
Now i want to be part of you.
But you're locked away in your own world and i'm the stranger.
Now you're the one who's alone.

Midnitesun

Member Empyrean

since 2001-05-18

Posts 28647
Gaia

1 posted 2005-11-09 02:08 PM

Welcome to Passions, Denise.
What do I think? it's sad, but you've expressed yourself clearly, and made this reader's heartbeat skip a beat...FEELING your pain.

Enchantress
Member Empyrean

since 2001-08-14

Posts 35113
Canada eh.

2 posted 2005-11-09 02:37 PM

Well written entrance piece.
I could feel the ache here.
Welcome to Passions.
~Smiles, Hugs & Understanding, Nancy~

Now - while the leaves still dance on the wind
While the moon and the clouds come spinning
Will you whisper my name again?
Again...and again...

Earth Angel
Member Empyrean

since 2002-08-27

Posts 40215
Realms of Light

3 posted 2005-11-09 02:41 PM

Such heartbreak...

You have penned your pain eloquently.

Sending you a warm, welcoming ~ and healing ~ hug,
Earth Angel

Nightshade

Member Patricius

since 2001-08-31

Posts 13962
just out of reach

4 posted 2005-11-09 03:05 PM

Welcome to Passions
A very touching first post.
Hugs, Chris

Poet deVine

Administrator

Member Seraphic

since 1999-05-26

Posts 22612
Hurricane Alley

5 posted 2005-11-09 05:33 PM

A very touching poem...for every mother and child out there.

Please check your email for a special welcome!

Larry C

Member Patricius

since 2001-09-10

Posts 10286
United States

6 posted 2005-11-09 07:40 PM

Welcome to Passions. And yes there are a lot of tender hearts here. I'd be one. Very sad and touching. Peace.

If tears could build a stairway and memories a lane, I'd walk right up to heaven and bring you home again.

iliana
Member Patricius

since 2003-12-05

Posts 13434
USA

7 posted 2005-11-10 12:09 PM

My goodness......only a mother understands this, I think. Enjoyed your first write, Lilyelapink. Welcome to PIP.

Mistletoe Angel

Member Empyrean

since 2000-12-17

Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon

8 posted 2005-11-10 01:54 AM

(big angel comfort hugs) Oh Lilyelapink, your most heatfelt debut made me cry here as I feel ever sooooo much for all the children of the world and pray they're all guided by God's love and the love of parents or guardians, and though I have yet to be a parent, I can only begin to imagine how heartbreaking it must be to fail to connect with a child and how it can almost make one wonder at times if they have any memory of closeness! (wipes tear) God Bless You for sharing this, sweet friend, we're all in this together and here you are among many sensitive, compassionate poets who share your emotions, I love this, sweet friend, welcome to Passions! I can't wait to read more of your wonderful poetry, sweet friend, God Bless You, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Lilyelapink, thank you for sharing!

May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

"If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other"

Mother Teresa

garysgirl

Member Laureate

since 2002-09-29

Posts 19237
Florida, USA

9 posted 2005-11-10 04:11 AM

Hello and welcome to Passions. We are very
glad to have you here with us. I hope you
enjoy it too. I was really touched by your
poem. I could feel compassion for you.
You described your heart very well.
Hugs,
Ethel

Greeneyes