»
Archives
»
Open Poetry #36
»
Country Fair
| Open Poetry #36 |
|
Country Fair |
|
|
Huan Yi Member Ascendant
since 2004-10-12
Posts 6688Waukegan 
|
Oh come now Sir This old horse won’t ride any better However new the leather saddle You put on its bones Only a fool Would think it true That miracles will happen if only you Comb and color the mane So let me go As I’m apt to do And see what sale will still occur For though this night’s not young There’s plenty of ale to go around And who yet knows but another man May make you a better deal |
||
| © Copyright 2005 John Pawlik - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
DennisTheMenace Member
since 2005-09-04
Posts 240 |
Really like this Another brew will do, the next 1 might b the 1 with who u can deal, U a wise |
||
|
Bodger Senior Member
since 2005-06-12
Posts 1260Tolerance for a short time |
Love it Hope you dont mind if I do an old horse poem Dave |
||
|
Huan Yi Member Ascendant
since 2004-10-12
Posts 6688Waukegan |
Dave, Feel free. I don't own the theme. Especially since Dennis doesn't wait until I'm dead to claim even my poem as his own; see: /pip/Forum93/HTML/002931.html in: /pip/Forum93/HTML/002934.html John |
||
|
DennisTheMenace Member
since 2005-09-04
Posts 240 |
ooooo touchy, I did give u top billing, moved it complete, no curruption; sooo sorry if I offended, twern't my plan man, but we moved it so far from what you started. Still I recognize U inspired keep on livin and writin |
||
|
serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
Wow. I did notice the striking similarities. but then? shrug... It's a leaf. I notice a lot of striking similarities in fallen leaves. A whole lot of 'em are yellow. I've noticed a lot of striking similarities in many autumnal themed poems, regarding fallen leaves. A whole lot of 'em are yellow. No offense John, but I almost wrote one about quivering black bags, but nod, I read yours first, and I would have been more explicit that my black bag was full of fetid meat maggots, and not the more expansive bag of decaying leaves...but then, my style is less subtle. So I left mine not posted, although it meant something entirely different, simply because it was too similar. Both black bags quivered, for differing reason. (I just happen to be funny about things too similar.) But in defense of the named culprit, I think we can find at least ten other poems utilizing the yellow fallen leaf as starring subject/metaphor. I think brevity does have its limitations; and as much as I admire the style, it leaves you open to interpretation at whim. One for the moderators to decide I guess. But I ain't one no mo.  But since you encourage critique, I might suggest that the only complaint I have regarding your poetry is the vagueness of it--shrug--so sue me. I want more. |
||
Ringo 
since 2003-02-20
Posts 3684Saluting with misty eyes |
Interesting. When all is said All is done Still I live And carry on- Quiet Riot |
||
|
Ron
Administrator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-05-19
Posts 8669Michigan, US |
Dennis, giving someone "top billing" doesn't mean you can use their car without first asking. Nor would I even consider it "top billing" when you post four stanzas and give no indication who wrote what. People have a right to be touchy, I think, when others treat them far too lightly. |
||
|
Drauntz Member Elite
since 2007-03-16
Posts 2905Los Angeles California |
everything can happen with ale. And it also make poem better read. beautiful poem. beautiful. |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
