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Dragon Mistress
Member

since 2002-08-26

Posts 289
Washington, USA.

0 posted 2005-10-17 05:33 AM

I fell from behind my Knight
And his multicolored steed
But he did not come to get me
I guess he thought no need

No he kept on riding
further and further from me
I guess my fall from him
He had planned to be

I dont know what I did
To deserve such treatment
What could I have done
To deserve abandonment?

I just watched him ride on
In the pain and soil from my fall
What could I do?
Nothing at all...

~*~I'm a dreamer, with broken dreams, and only words to fall back on~*~

Goldenrose
Member Elite

since 2003-05-30

Posts 3665

1 posted 2005-10-17 06:12 AM

A good write here, well rymed, but maybe there is metaphor here too?...Maybe could have done more, this reads a little like skipping pages and not knowing why or what has caused your fall? Enjoyed the read..thank you..

Goldenrose.

Desire for nothing except desirelessness,hope for nothing except to rise above all hopes, want nothing and you will have everything.avatar Meher Baba.

marcel
Senior Member

since 2003-03-02

Posts 660
az, usa

2 posted 2005-10-18 09:02 PM

I enjoyed the metaphor of "falling out of love" or "falling for love"----very creative and sadly beautiful piece.

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-16

Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA

3 posted 2005-10-19 12:51 PM

If we knew how many times we would leave someone behind or be left behind, it would be scary...hopefully the right one will never leave us behind...James

aujussy wolf

Senior Member

since 2003-08-09

Posts 1215
Michigan

4 posted 2005-10-21 02:35 AM

sounds to me like he is a fool
to ride off without you, a true knight would never leave a princess like you behind : )
cool rhyme dragon mistress

-wolf

MGROVES

Member Elite

since 2004-02-01

Posts 3802
california

5 posted 2005-10-22 03:10 AM

interesting. thanks for sharing this

My spirit will rise
above the sea~
There will be no drowning
of my soul or me~

Susan Caldwell
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-12-27

Posts 8348
Florida

6 posted 2005-10-25 12:55 PM

I loved this for the rhythm and the story.

"too bad ignorance isn't painful"
~Unknown~

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