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navwin » Archives » Open Poetry #36 » Clayton Street
Open Poetry #36
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Huan Yi
Member Ascendant
since 2004-10-12
Posts 6688
Waukegan
0 posted 2005-08-26 11:38 AM


What was it
About the woman
That made him sad

There in her high heel shoes
The surface of her hair
Just catching the morning light

For a moment it seemed
She was waiting for him

A lover
The wonder
Who filled her dreams

The star he knew
Would never arrive
© Copyright 2005 John Pawlik - All Rights Reserved
Eromyna
Member
since 2002-11-29
Posts 306
Pheonix, AZ, USA
1 posted 2005-08-26 11:48 AM

"For a moment it seemed
She was waiting for him

A lover
The wonder
Who filled her dreams"

I'm confused by the use of "her" in those lines. It seems the entire piece is written from one persepective, only to be flip-flopped for a single moment. This is very unclear to me.

It's only a tragedy after we bleed.
Your pain doesn't count 'til it's stained the sheets.
Drauntz
Member Elite
since 2007-03-16
Posts 2905
Los Angeles California
2 posted 2007-04-26 06:30 PM

good.***
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navwin » Archives » Open Poetry #36 » Clayton Street

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