»
Archives
»
Open Poetry #36
»
Just Words?
| Open Poetry #36 |
|
Just Words? |
|
|
Carly Maas Junior Member
since 2000-04-21
Posts 23Garden City, MI, USA |
I wrote this just the other day. Its about abortion. Just Words? Whore, Slut, Bitch, Loser. I feel these words fit me, Sometimes, I fear they might consume me. Heartless, Unemotional, Unfeeling, Freak. I feel these words fit me, Sometimes, I fear they might consume me. Of all these words, I feel I fit them all, I fear the will one day consume me, But there is no other word, Besides one that I feel fits me best. The one word I cannot run from, I cannot hide, I will always feel the same inside, Because I am, In fact, A… …Killer… "One day you'll love me as I onced loved you, |
||
| © Copyright 2005 Carly Maas - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
Juju Member Elite
since 2003-12-29
Posts 3429In your dreams |
Hmmm... Harsh poem. Very sensitive. I think that if you gave it meter, it would be really good. Usually I don't say anything, but I think with this poem setting a meter will set a nice rythem. -Hmm.... perhaps I would take out the insults in the beginning so the reader can be drawn in to the poem more. Sometimes starting off poems with that can turn poeple off. So maybe start it with "There are words that consume me" or something like that. This way it will pull the reader in. Its kinda like the Show not tell. Don't tell them the words, but the fealings so to imply the words. This way you can say so much more with so little words. -Juju Juju - 1.) a magic charm or fetish 2.)Magic 3.)A taboo connected woth the use of magic |
||
|
passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
wow that's a tough write, very emotional and powerful |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
