Bodged the first - second re-written

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Bodger
Senior Member

since 2005-06-12

Posts 1260
Tolerance for a short time

0 posted 2005-06-22 04:30 PM

A frayed thread dressed itself in a fragment of air
As if telling the world existence mattered
In this world
Unravelling in freedom streaming in air
Disappearing as vision does when focus is more mind and vision
Than matter
Running o’er hill brushing green that danced with eyes that brushed vision
Legs meant for distance and fleet of mind and foot
Never looking behind
To a thread unravelling

Stripping you forwards feet running spirited on air
Of a touch never felt but within
That never touched earth as
Wind traversed swirling whirlwinds
Fabric twisting
Forgetting
She
Who
Sun was
Blue in eyes
With sunshine dreaming in shades
World unthreading
In violet
Of a cactus
Flowering

A desert
Blessed in flowered light
Running as threaded
Desire

Without care
In threads cascading chasing
Tomorrow’s
Rain

And drought as

Realisation turns to a dream

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

1 posted 2005-06-22 04:34 PM

I must be honest...
you wrapped me up in this...

~*~

Stripping you forwards feet running spirited on air
Of a touch never felt but within
That never touched earth as
Wind traversed swirling whirlwinds
Fabric twisting
Forgetting
She
Who
Sun was
Blue in eyes
With sunshine dreaming in shades
World unthreading
In violet
Of a cactus
Flowering

~*~

I loved the imagery!

Juju
Member Elite

since 2003-12-29

Posts 3429
In your dreams

2 posted 2005-06-22 04:35 PM

I have the worst memory... I think its a good poem. If you need to make changes, there should be a button above the post where you can edit. I think it is the one that looks like the piece of paper.

-Juju

Juju - 1.) a magic charm or fetish 2.)Magic 3.)A taboo connected woth the use of magic

The dictionary never lies.... I am magical (;

SEA

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 2000-01-18

Posts 22676
with you

3 posted 2005-06-22 04:41 PM

I liked this one better

beautiful

Enchantress
Member Empyrean

since 2001-08-14

Posts 35113
Canada eh.

4 posted 2005-06-22 04:44 PM

Oh this is so much better....fantastic imagery.
Well done!

~Somewhere in my heart I'm always
dancing with you in the summer rain~

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

5 posted 2005-06-22 06:43 PM

well done

Marge Tindal

Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-06

Posts 42384
Florida's Foreverly Shores

6 posted 2005-06-22 07:05 PM

Bodger~
Welcome to PiP ... I enjoyed this penning~

Especially this -
'A desert
Blessed in flowered light
Running as threaded
Desire

Without care
In threads cascading chasing
Tomorrow’s
Rain'

*Huglets*
~*Marge*~

~*When the heart grieves over what it has lost,
the spirit rejoices over what it has left.
- Sufi epigram <))><

Email noles1@totcon.com

adagio
Member

since 2005-03-19

Posts 449
Marrero, La.

7 posted 2005-06-22 08:18 PM

A wonderfull work.

Bodger
Senior Member

since 2005-06-12

Posts 1260
Tolerance for a short time

8 posted 2005-06-23 06:53 PM

Thanks

I'll learn about the edit button

Bodger

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