»
Archives
»
Open Poetry #35
»
Freeing The Wolf - In Cantos
| Open Poetry #35 |
|
Freeing The Wolf - In Cantos |
|
timothysangel1973
since 2001-12-03
Posts 1725Never close enough 
|
 Canto I The Awakening Through crackle of sound that early June morn, the creaking of old wood under my soles As if - this were an unfamiliar pace, one I had never made before At that exact moment in time, the eighty-five year old wood floor called to me Howling my name a melody. Too many know my routine I have become predictable apparently so they know exactly what I will do as my feet slide the old floor each morning - they know that I am here doing the ins and outs of everyone else’s day, living their hours, not my own. A Fleeting moment every ache, every mistake playing in my minds eye, glancing down I realize The floor creaks under my weight yet I have not moved I'm erect, standing still military drill opening windows. I aspire to sit next to the cheek of God, that close! Though I know my own imperfections will always stand in between me and self painfully so, I ask what makes me continue on when I know - Better than anyone... That my balance is too far in one direction or the other Hounded, harassed, named devious, aggressive and yes- so very unappreciated, still I wake each day to live waiting for the breath of God to burst through me. There is movement now among the soles of my feet yet I move them not, though I can feel the walls sliding past my shadow I am propelled, unable to halt thrown into the story, no longer telling it, but living it. I am in that place of shadows now inside my soul no darkness, and the bright lights oh how bright, vivid sweet scent of lavender and baby blue, if there is such arms and legs, and soul move as fluid drops of sweat. It is here, between the lost and found that I halt I must choose now choose a voice, or the silence silent screams before me, a shroud of mystery around breath or suffocate shall I stay or go, make a choice. I can hear her, yet she has no face, not one that can be seen I feel her around me, beckoning my soul to move forward move toward the light, only baggage, be your soul and mind no need for reflections just yet, or memories of the past she is in my mind, like yesterday her voice I hear singing. "Now hear this... You are a wild soul, held down smothered by curiosities of life denying your ancestral animal the right to roam the desert and paint the cave wall. Do you not wish to sing the song of the women before, and after you sweet wolf woman?" A single tear rolls fast from eyes unable to see the face, the face of the one that asks these things of me, in dark- i search with shaky hand to find yet come away empty she cannot be touched, or felt she is in me soul deep. My ears hear like never before, I can even hum with her song I do not know this song, yet I sing along in perfect time da-dum, dum, dum, da-da-dum sweet sounds I hear, scary Sheer panic that I know these tunes I miss not one single note. Canto II The Journey "Come with my child, follow with your inner eye, let it - Let it guide you to me, and away from me as I lead you Make your steps swift and light, as we crunch past memories of a time lived - let the shadow of memory guide." Still, I cannot see her, she is so close unable to touch I am earthly and mortal I crave to feel the voice that speaks even so, without knowing in odd peculiar manner - I follow I am a curious child again, feeling fear, yet fearing not. "Watch sweet wolf of mine. Watch as I play your life one bone at a time, it's real - I have worn it for you long - like a band of gold on my finger, it is yours, yet I have kept it safe for you, here in the light of the shadow." I feel each stab of envy and jealousy and hate that I have sinfully harbored in my soul for many earthly years, and all of a sudden I am shamed by the things I have done I turn away her hand reaches out and touches my chin - "Watch ! Look at your life with me. Turn not away you have been on the run far too long this is it; it is time to step into your shadow instead of wearing it like a cloak to hide what you refuse to see of your soul." I cry tears of a hundred years, each cry coming from there that place that place that I want not to see it hurts I want to keep it hidden for there I dwell better than here here I have to see it, and there it can just remain shadowed. "You have to see the past to learn the steps of the dance the dance with your soul that will save you from yourself dance with her my lady, she deserves a worthy partner and who better to hold her than you - the maker of her memories." I heard "hold" as in actually reaching out and embracing yet, when I moved my limbs to grab they refused to cooperate i repeated once, and again before realizing that I no longer possessed control of my own movement I tested my legs... "You won't be able to hold her with material flesh my wolf - you must reach for her with your mind, and the eyes of so. You must touch her with real purpose, and then take her into the soul that is home and heart for you both. Do it !" I have not the strength to hold that which I am unable to touch I can't, I won't! It is all fruitless, someone please awaken me wake me from this horrid dream that once felt so safe, yet now- now I am afraid, this is all to mystical to me I believe not. In that which I cannot see da-dum, dum, dum, da-da-dum there it is again, perfect perfect, flawless time, that same song from before It is much, much louder now smothering and drowning out all thoughts, stripping me of negativity I am naked now. I hide to cover, just like Eve in the Garden there is nothing nothing to cover my flesh with yet I am clothed in something something that resembles the fur of an animal course, yet so warm, and perfectly colored gray and white and gray again. I reach deep to speak, yet all I can do is make a howling sound it bleeds from a place I knew no existence of south of me My hands shake, yet they never move the tremble is sagacious now it moves from limb to limb until, finally the tremble is gone. Canto III Finding Herself The light, the shadow and scent of sweet lavender and baby blue they are among me once and again yet something is so different I am covered still in this thick fur, and now no longer erect, yet on all fours, and I can see in the dark what I could not before. My eyes search and find every dim spray of light to have eyes eyes that can see like this, I am not of human flesh anymore I am made of something bigger, and stronger, and full of sight sight that I have never known prior to this exact moment in time. I order movement among the limbs that are now each on the floor and they move in a motion that is so swift and gentle, like magic I have never moved so beautifully is this a walk, or a run so swift I can't draw a line between the two, my fours pound the ground below. The moon above collides with sand and I see her, just a flash so quick that without these eyes, I would have missed her she is beautiful, yet hideous all at once shall I run, or face her I feel a tug at one foot, then another leading me to her. She holds something white in each hand, and she is singing In my mind I ask what she is singing, and through psyche she answers, she bangs these objects together in hand bang, bang "Hambre del alma" she is singing to me the song - The song of the starved soul, she leads me to water for she knows that my soul is thirsty to drink of life a life better than that of which I have so forever known I walk toward the glistening stream, and lower my head. I gulp this fluid as if I will never drink again I am parched life has dried my soul, and its thirst is haunting fear I am once again at what I crave, just water or more, I do not know I have no answers, and the banging grows more intense. I have sensitive ears now, not the human kind these are electric each sound is shocking, and blasts through my inner drum like that of a thousand explosions of rock against water - I plead with her to stop the banging of the object it's deafening. She refuses to stop, and she continues to bang louder, louder more I am still drinking the water, yet only sipping now as I concentrate on the sound that she won't stop making now there are several objects in each hand so that it is even noisier than before. da-dum, dum, dum, da-da-dum *** Canto IV The Song is finished "Speak to me wolf-woman ask what you need to know make your questions worthy of my voice to answer, for this this is your chance to show your bravery, and faith in that which you do not understand, ask for what you crave deep." I catch her eyes with my own, and have I not known her I have, I have known her for as many years as I have walked my earthly home, on two and not four, before skin was fur and I needed to cover because I felt shame deep within. Her eyes like fire, melting clouds of that same baby blue she is tall and thin, short and round, she is everything at once at once she is from there to here, in front of me face to face I can feel her breath on my soul she looks into that part of me. That was carefully hidden long ago she can see it, free of mask I feel shame again, and just as quick it is gone and naked naked I am again, yet not afraid I feel free, free of it all she reaches out and touches my hand with her own and speaks. "The last line of the song has been sung. Over the mountains, the valleys, through the trees, and the sand, each leaf has fallen each storm has settled. You are no longer a force of nature you are nature, you are part of what gave you life." I want to fall into her arms, yet I am solid unable to move towards or away from this hideously, beautiful, woman or creature surely I know not what she is, she is towering above me now, I realize I am on four while she remains on two staring down at me. "You craved to sit next to the cheek of God, yet felt un-worthy of so why did you ever doubt your beauty and strength. God made you and craves the same thing, yet you have fallen deep - deep into a soul of shame, you have become all to everyone, and nothing to self." I am unable to mutter a lie, or excuse for she is right in her words she knows the side of me that I can not let others witness, I in truth do speak. "I lost me." and realize that nothing more be said three words just three, have completed my whole of existence as woman, and wolf. "You must choose to leave it alone, choose not to punish your soul, refuse to dwell on a past that you will never change, and then just as swiftly and completely - you must throw it abandon, then and only then my woman~wolf, are you finally free to go..." I still need to know what this song is that I have the urge to sing, still I hear it, I am humming with it, she is singing it, and the objects in hand they are now on the ground, coming together raised up for me to see its a figure, an animal of some sort I want to touch it, for it is real. "You have seen here what many women wolves never do - blessed blessed are you to have taken this journey in its entirety and stayed for the most beautiful sound of melody that a woman can make is this for on this night my dear you have finally met your soul - and made her one with your inner self - you were with me... Singing Over The Bones. I have returned you to the wild tonight, find your mate your cubs, your pack and cave and celebrate the knowing that you are whole again - not lost, yet found pure in thought, and content with running wild, and settling down." Canto V The Return There I am again, feet on floor just two this time again the wooden floor cracking under the shift of weight as I touch wall to steady and reassure my self that I am home sounds of day making way and I know that I am here. I am in the hallway again, and the clock shows no miss of time it was as if I never made that journey to the water, and sand though I feel no thirst, and I feel no shame, I am light in step I am ready to take on the day, whether it be their hours or mine. Skin is skin again, yet I am still warm from the feel of fur my eyes can see still, and even deeper than before, the sounds they are sharp and pleasing to my ears not muffled or faint I can hear sounds that I have never heard before - nature. Outside the window, I see life through the wings of a bird I see yesterday through the bark on the trees, and there there high in the clouds I can see the face of God which I have longed to see, He was always there, there with me. I am no longer a prisoner of time, yet it's accomplishment I have survived self destruction and I am whole again, through a dream, an awakening in the hallway of my solid home - on that eighty-five year old floor that refused to give way. I learned a new song, met the face and thirst of my soul witnessed a pile of bones reconstructed and set free free to run again and be wild among her breath of life - no longer smothered by the past that I longed to forget. I have a past, and it shall not define me, but I say it shall be a part of me that I never turn my back on - it is the most important part of me, for it brought me here here among the bones of the woman that I am. Canto VI The Realization Without being told I know that there are a lot of explanations that I as a woman, need to make for I have abandoned my mate even though, he has never left my side and has continued to keep our pack together and protected when I was unable to do so. The journey isn't over until I can reassure him that I am here no longer away, and lost inside myself I am back and I am free free to love him, the way only a mate can love another purely and without any condition or circumstance his woman. I belong to me, yet a promise that I have made him still holds He and I so share a covenant one that brings our heart and soul together for eternity you see very few can make and stand by promises of such magnitude without losing self in the exchange. I am guilty of such sin I lost me and was too afraid to look for the woman that I knew was there hidden deep within the recesses of my soul. He completed a part of my existence It was upon me to complete and fill in the gaps of my soul. The day has finally come upon us the day when my inner freedom can sing to him a mating song of a long forgotten love and the promise that I made him so many, many moons, tides, winds and raindrops ago, heart's storms. Canto VII Back To Her Mate Sing this song with me m’love, the song of remembrance As I shed my old hair, for the thinner coat of summer Meld your body to mine, summoning the quickness of air Forced from my lungs, as the bones have reconstructed. We can dance now, even provocatively if so we choose A promise made, and kept we can dance freely among the bones They are complete now, no more missing parts, no more I, we, are free to love and honor the bond between us, at last. In that midnight hour, when you were long away from me I painted our name on the cave wall, stick written in dirt The symbols of our reuniting, that today has come to us Like a wind passing through the canyon door forever more. La Loba promised that you would find me, once I found myself I no longer need be ashamed of the wild in me, or need to howl You and I, haunted, hunted, and healed found again We shall move through time with no hesitance of the future. Our past was made perfect when I chose to sing the song I chose to dance the dance of a hundred souls before me I listened for once, instead of talking of my own stupidity. I am finally free... For La Loba said so I may hate myself in the morning - but I'm gonna love you tonight -Lee Ann Womack [This message has been edited by timothysangel1973 (06-08-2005 02:39 AM).] |
||
| © Copyright 2005 Tima Chavis Cooke - All Rights Reserved | |||
Paul Wilson
since 2002-07-07
Posts 4711United States |
Tima...The other day when you told me you were working on a poem about a wolf I had no idea you were working on such a captivating masterpiece. Truly a labor of love from you. Thanks for allowing me too read it. I will come back again and again too quench my thirst...Paul A  for sure~~To share my poems with you is to share my heart with you~~ Paul |
||
|
bslicker
since 2000-12-04
Posts 2321state of mind |
bump just a note, still reading. but enjoying.  bernie A smile a day keeps the world in smile's. |
||
|
Ratleader
since 2003-01-23
Posts 7026Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass |
It's a time thing -- when they're long I don't usually read 'em -- something that's pretty much forced on me by my personal constraints as much as by my own taste in poetry. Somehow though, this one draws me....and I very much like what I see, though it's going to take several visits to finish reading. Silly as it sounds, I like this enough that I'm bookmarking it in my browser so I can come back quickly when there's time for me to be at PiP. A long and intense poem is likely to fall in the forums, and I don't want to lose it. ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº> ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº> |
||
|
littlewing Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655New York |
They are always there whispering your fate, speaking in tones the highly attuned can comprehend. It is but an angle from this dimension. Right above our waists where peace awaits us. I know the walk well. The darkened hallways grab out at me as I flutter past not wanting to be touched. I know the silent throbbing of my own heart in the dead of night, pulling my hair wishing someone could just grab inside my chest and exorcise the ugliness which lies dormant. But, I cannot. It is a part of this journey. The end of this incarnation is blind to my sight. I do not know if that is good or bad. On days like this when the mornings' breath caress my face, a cappelo chimes spreading scent of marigold permeating all earthly existence. On days like this it is only then, I can truly feel the weight of wings upon my shoulders. And if I tilt my head just so, I can hear them speaking. |
||
|
Marge Tindal
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
Tima~  This is an astonishing piece of work~ Savored ... saved ... a keeper~ *Huglets*  ~*Marge*~ ~*When the heart grieves over what it has lost, |
||
|
timothysangel1973
since 2001-12-03
Posts 1725Never close enough |
Oh My Gosh !! You guys are wonderful, and I am lucky to be among some of the nicest people. Paul - Told you I was working on a wolf peice, then when I read yours it made me want to have it done THEN. Thank You so much for the kind replies bSlicker - Thank you for reading and for coming back. Ratleader - Thanks for "bookmarking" me. IT is long - but Ron and Vicky encouraged me to leave it, cause I was afraid it would take the "too long" plunge. Now? I am soooo glad that I let it stay. Sue - Let's duet again - we are so much alike - beauty flows free from your pen my sweet friend and the words that you put above are just gorgeous. Marge - An applause from you means alot my friend, thank you so much for reading and for enjoying. You guys are great and I am so glad that I left it here to try and swim in the deep water. Love you all, Tima |
||
|
bslicker
since 2000-12-04
Posts 2321state of mind |
just thought i'd let you know i am not finished yet next stop is Cantos V and this has been getting better as i read more and more. bernie A smile a day keeps the world in smile's. |
||
|
passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
wow dang girl...I know you said you were working on this...but I didn't expect it to be in one post...maybe you could break it up, though I already have it in my library now...and am reading over and over and over again... it's the reality...people don't like long poems for some reason...you know I love this, because of its special meaning... a work that truly deserves to be read and absorbed by many people...do try to publish! |
||
|
timothysangel1973
since 2001-12-03
Posts 1725Never close enough |
Thanks for letting me know that you haven't drowned yet Bernie lol... glad that you are still reading it Dixie... well, that was a discussion that Ron and I had before I posted it, and well his suggestion was to post it all at once cause there still are those out there like Ron, You, I and lots of others I see that still enjoy a read of any length. Then, after I posted it I was gonna pull it out cause of the fast drop that it took and once again, Ron and then Vicky convinced me to give it a chance in open. I am soooo glad that I did, because it IS getting read just not in one sitting lol It's a long one, that I admit, cause damn... writing it took forever, but I think that the length says something about my dedication and it wasn't something that I could write shortly. Just hang on too it and then read it a little at a time. Thank You ALL for reading this one, as I know that it takes a lot of effort to stick with something of this length until the finish... You are all very much appreciated !!! Tima |
||
|
passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
thank you for your determination like I said, please do try to publish this, I'd love to see it in book form. I would buy it for sure, even though I already have the original right here in my library. |
||
|
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Singing Over The Bones. I have returned you to the wild tonight, find your mate your cubs, your pack and cave and celebrate the knowing that you are whole again - not lost, yet found pure in thought, and content with running wild, and settling down." ~*~ I hope you are so very proud of your accomplishment here, Tina. I certainly like the breaks in the lines. This is going to take some slow down reading time, to digest fully...but what I have seen is quite the treat! Brava! |
||
|
Susan Caldwell Member Rara Avis
since 2002-12-27
Posts 8348Florida |
Tima...I have been reading this..a little at a time (I think I have a mild case of ADD, cause I have trouble reading long stuff).. anyway, I wanted you to know that so far what I have read is really impressive. You are a very talented woman. Be proud. "too bad ignorance isn't painful" |
||
|
LeeJ Member Patricius
since 2003-06-19
Posts 13296 |
your animus? Yes this was incredible, delightful, full of hope...in every woman, there is a childlike attribute, no matter who she is, or how tough she pretents to be....it is there, and it surfaces from time to time.... I loved this, and in every detail...I know, it's not made up, but a very personal journey you embarked on....Yes? Hugs to you sweet lady |
||
|
timothysangel1973
since 2001-12-03
Posts 1725Never close enough |
Thank you Susan, Dixie, Sunshine, and Lee.... You have no idea how much your words mean to me. Susan? - It ain't ADD honey.... it's long haha, I felt that way writing it Dixie - I may put it in the book that I am working on, if I ever get around to calling it finished. Sunshine - Lady, your words make me smile. I am proud of actually finishing it for sure, and I soooo beleive in the message, I think that we are all "wolf" in some way. Lee - I certainly have animal instincts, and I think that as women, we lose ourselves in order to call everyone else found. We are a special breed, and often enough even we forget that. Thank you all so very much for taking the time to read this, even if it must be done in parts. You guys make me wanna write lol - don't worry, I won't post another one of this length for a while hehe Love ya all Tima |
||
Mysteria
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328British Columbia, Canada |
Good grief! I took this to bed with me last night to read properly, as I rushed through it the first time. I sure appreciate the work you put into this Tima, and I would sure think about having this illustrated and put out there for sale. Wonderful work! |
||
|
Enchantress Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113Canada eh. |
Tima!! This is absolutely the most fantastic, descriptive, engaging piece of work I have ever read on the entire Internet!!! Publish woman!! Pleeease publish! Love ya sweet lady~ ~Somewhere in my heart I'm always |
||
|
timothysangel1973
since 2001-12-03
Posts 1725Never close enough |
Gosh, the replies keep getting better and better, and you guys are making me blush The part about publishing it, well, I don't know that I can because? The words Singing Over The Bones, Song of the Starved Soul, and Lo Loba come from a book that I read. Everything else is mine tho, so I could probably just change those words, and make a new name there at the end and be ok. I am just amazed that you all have hung in there with me... And Susan.... it is perhaps my OCWD (obsessive compulsive writers disorder)  that has led to your ADD lmao....You guys deserve and award for sticking with it too the end. Three cheers for leaving it here - when I was gonna pull it !!  |
||
|
suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
"You craved to sit next to the cheek of God, yet felt un-worthy of so why did you ever doubt your beauty and strength. God made you and craves the same thing, yet you have fallen deep - deep into a soul of shame, you have become all to everyone, and nothing to self." Oh, wow... and wow again... blessed are we "to have taken this journey in its entirety"... I wouldn't have missed a word! *S* This is spectacular!!! |
||
|
bslicker
since 2000-12-04
Posts 2321state of mind |
this was just amazing  oh by the way i did read it through the first time all the way, and with the great accomplishment on how you put this together... i just had to take my time to read it again. bernie A smile a day keeps the world in smile's. |
||
|
timothysangel1973
since 2001-12-03
Posts 1725Never close enough |
Thanks again everyone for taking the time to read this, it means so much too me Suthern - thank you so much for your kind words Bernie - So glad you came back for seconds on this one, as it is a lot to swallow the first time around for sure. So glad that you like it Thanks again everyone for the thoughtful words and the time that you took to read it through. Ya'll ready for round two now?  I thought that was funny... as if this was wasn't long enough |
||
|
Gentle Spirit Member Patricius
since 2000-10-09
Posts 13989 |
damn Tima, this is outstanding writing and on something so very close to my own heart!! Outstanding! I really want to care, |
||
|
Earth Angel Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215Realms of Light |
I still have goosebumples and tingles everywhere! What an electrifying epic of a poem! There is magic and the wisdom of the ancients. You held my rapt attention from beginning to end. One the most captivating poems that I have ever had the pleasure of reading. You did a marvellous job of writing this masterful piece! "it is time to step into your shadow instead of wearing it like a cloak to hide what you refuse to see of your soul." ~ Those are a few of my favourite lines! I bow to your openness, the spirit and wisdom of your words ~ and your talent. Love & Spirit Light, EA   |
||
|
timothysangel1973
since 2001-12-03
Posts 1725Never close enough |
Thank you Gentle Spirit and Earth Angel... you guys are so wonderful and have made me feel so good about this lengthy write. It took some seeing through, and I nearly gave up a time or two, but now? I am so glad that I seen it through to the end. once again Thank You ALL so much !! |
||
|
Margherita Member Seraphic
since 2003-02-08
Posts 22236Eternity |
I will print it out and give it the due attention. This is an impressive SOUL WRITE! Thank you, dear Tima, beautiful poetess. Love, Margherita |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
