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Bridget Shenachie
Senior Member

since 2002-01-23

Posts 1056
Kansas USA

0 posted 2005-03-28 11:15 PM

Mankind’s work is never done
It seems that our race is never run

We fix one thing and break another
Questioning “Just who is our brother?”

We extend life
Then, debate the right to die
Before we established right to life.

The right to life is unclear.
The right to choose is not held dear
By men, if it’s the woman’s choice.
It becomes time to squelch her voice.

She has never been paid
The merry maid
For replacing a man in a corporate raid.
However, it is cost efficient
To fill the spot of a male deficient
With a woman who does the task.
“What could be wrong?” we ask,
“Job done for lesser pay with greater care!”
To management, this seems fair.
Another great corporate decision
Met with general derision.

Not all is cause for smiles. Alas!
Sometimes tragedy and trials result,
Time to take names and kick ass,
Attorneys argue and consult
Legislatures regulate
Life goes on with much debate
It ain’t over ’til it’s over—Ain’t life great?!?

majnu

Senior Member

since 2002-10-13

Posts 1088
SF Bay Area

1 posted 2005-03-29 12:28 PM

cute, funny, and honest ramble.

nice.

since you encourage a bit of critique, i will offer this: your redundant usage of certain words was annoying.

cheers.

-majnu
--------------------------------------
Timid thoughts be not afraid. I am a Poet.

Bridget Shenachie
Senior Member

since 2002-01-23

Posts 1056
Kansas USA

2 posted 2005-03-29 12:44 PM

Majnu--Thanks for taking the time to read this and critique. Being blind to my own errors, it would help me if you would point out the redundancy in word usage. I definitely appreciate the critique, just need more specific input for clarity.

Shenachie

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-16

Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA

3 posted 2005-03-29 02:16 AM

You ask if life is great...yes it is if you choose that way to look at it...James

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

4 posted 2005-03-29 04:02 AM

I'm no good at critique but I will say I liked this

that's all

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