First Snow.....Tanka - pipTalk Forums

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INclan
Senior Member

since 1999-07-20

Posts 1024
Indiana, USA

0 posted 2004-11-04 03:25 PM

My shadow mocks me
in the autumn full moon light
this my last trip down
a silent snow dogs my heels
and coats the mountain in white

Kethry
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-07-29

Posts 9082
Victoria Australia

1 posted 2004-11-04 04:21 PM

This is a very descriptive piece. I could feel the weight of the snow.

Here in the midst of my lonely abyss, a single joy I find...your presence in my mind. Unknown

ice
Member Elite

since 2003-05-17

Posts 3404
Pennsylvania

2 posted 2004-11-04 04:25 PM

Very nice....

"a silent snow dogs my heels
and coats the mountain in white"

A beautiful scene in the minds eye....
enjoyed
---------ice/ford
><>

VAS
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-11-16

Posts 7450
Oregon

3 posted 2004-11-04 06:36 PM

Superb! I too especially love the line about the snow dogging at your heels.

From a distance, the mountains must be wearing cotton petticoats dotted with eyelet lace. That's what I can see, so I think I will take that away with me and maybe it will need to be placed within a poem from my hand.

Whether on the shoal or on the shore,
I'll seek the lighthouse evermore.

Enchantress
Member Empyrean

since 2001-08-14

Posts 35113
Canada eh.

4 posted 2004-11-04 06:52 PM

A beautiful Tanka!
Wonderful imagery..very much enjoyed.
Hugs~

Now while the leaves still dance on the wind
While the moon and the clouds come spinning
Will you whisper my name again?
Again..and again.

kaile

Member Ascendant

since 2000-02-06

Posts 5146
singapore

5 posted 2004-11-08 06:59 AM

Hi INclan,
glad i came back in time to read your latest offering. your talent in these japanese forms is beyond compare

LeeJ
Member Patricius

since 2003-06-19

Posts 13296

6 posted 2004-11-08 07:10 AM

this made me feel not the weight, but a more positive awe of the first snow...

Good one

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

7 posted 2004-11-08 07:18 AM

a silent snow dogs my heels

~*~

Oh, yes...

Crystalline wings weigh
Heavy on young doe's eyelash
White tail disappears
Mocassins invisible
Snow comes singing lullabyes

Marge Tindal

Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-06

Posts 42384
Florida's Foreverly Shores

8 posted 2004-11-08 09:46 AM

InClan~
How *gifted* you are ... and how lovely is this ?
VERY~
*Huglets*
~*Marge*~

~*When the heart grieves over what it has lost,
the spirit rejoices over what it has left.
- Sufi epigram <))><

Email [email protected]

INclan
Senior Member

since 1999-07-20

Posts 1024
Indiana, USA

9 posted 2004-11-08 05:17 PM

My deepest thanks to all who responded. To recieve such praise, from poets that I read and respect, is indeed an honor.

INclan

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