Some Song Lyrics - suggestions for a bridge?

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abbymatilda
Junior Member

since 2003-12-22

Posts 35

0 posted 2004-10-28 10:47 PM

Hi everyone, I am Iliana's daughter, Abby! I like to write poetry but tonight I am posting some song lyrics that I'm working on - of course they probably sound kind of weird without the music (metrically speaking) but bear with me!

Red as a Rose

1st verse
I'm red as a rose
As deep as the sea,
As uncertain as moonlight -
Can you capture me/
A summer shadow
In a forbidden tree -
I'm an island.

You can take me to church,
You can teach me to pray -
My soul's still the same shade
As yesterday -
Still as red as a rose.
....

CHORUS :Go to sleep, go to sleep tonight.

2nd verse
You struck me like lightning-
My heart's still on fire -
Your eyes were such music
And your voice was their choir -
They turned me red as a rose
....

You never wrote down a vow-
I still love you too much to doubt -
Our love is a mystery
That I have to find out
....
....

CHORUS: I'll sleep in your heart tonight.

(here's where the bridge should go but I haven't written it yet)

The more that I love you
The farther you seem -
You're like the echo of laughter
In an ancient dream
....
I'm an island

You're as far as the ocean,
As blue as a flame,
An unbroken spirit
I don't want to tame.
You're a boat on the ocean -
I'm an island.

I still haven't written a bridge yet. I have music but the words won't come. Writer's block. Any helpful suggestions?
Abby

Greeneyes

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-09-09

Posts 9903
In Your Poetic Mind

1 posted 2004-10-28 10:53 PM

Hi and Welcome to Passions, what a wonderful way to start out....I hope you enjoy your stay here with us, and Q's pls ask....

please check your email for a special greeting

Kindly

Greeneyes~

~~*~~
Read between the lines
look deep into each word
and you will understand the
depth of my soul (GE)
~~**~~

iliana
Member Patricius

since 2003-12-05

Posts 13434
USA

2 posted 2004-10-28 10:54 PM

Of course, I am biased, but I think you write beautifully! Love you, Mom

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

3 posted 2004-10-28 10:59 PM

Hello Abby! Welcome to Passions! My brother is a musician, so I am going to pass this along to him as he may have some very good suggestions for you! He is on the boards as Fagin, so if your Mom will show you how to use our Smart Search [and she knows how to do anything!] you may want to look him up, as he has posted some of his lyrics here as well!

I do hope you enjoy your time with us! Write on!

GG
Member Elite

since 2002-12-03

Posts 3532
Lost in thought

4 posted 2004-10-28 11:04 PM

Well I'm no musician or songwriter, so I can't help you with that... but I can say that I love your lyrics. Powerful with strong images and, even without music, an excellent beat. You definitely got some of your mom's talent

Welcome to the blue pages!

Always, Alyssa

He was a man of sorrows
...I am a girl of tears.

[This message has been edited by GG (10-29-2004 12:57 AM).]

abbymatilda
Junior Member

since 2003-12-22

Posts 35

5 posted 2004-10-28 11:09 PM

Thank you Sunshine!!!!
Abby
P.S. : My mom talks about your poetry all the time! She loves it!

abbymatilda
Junior Member

since 2003-12-22

Posts 35

6 posted 2004-10-28 11:10 PM

Thank you Alyssa! You've very kind.
Abby

Fagin
Member

since 2004-05-07

Posts 126
Ca

7 posted 2004-10-28 11:27 PM

Very well done... if you cant finish the chorus, remember that it is the culmiination of the song as a whole and is meant to summurize the peice in its enteritly. Look up some of my work and you will see what i mean... good work!

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

8 posted 2004-10-28 11:46 PM

Abby, Fagin's my brother...he's been a musician for some time...he's good on his word. As for your mother? LOL...she's a bit biased...but I adore her poetry...

And I think your Aunt is quite special as well! Thank you!

Martie

Moderator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-09-21

Posts 28049
California

9 posted 2004-10-28 11:50 PM

Abby

I much enjoyed reading your words, and can feel how good it would be set to music. Wishing you the best...and welcome to Passions!

abbymatilda
Junior Member

since 2003-12-22

Posts 35

10 posted 2004-10-29 12:06 PM

Fagin - it's not so much the chorus that I'm worried about. I know there's not a lot of text, but it fits just right with the music andd I like it. It's the bridge that's giving me trouble. I just don't even know where to start. I'm trying hard not to make this into a sappy breakup song (not going through a sappy breakup, but rather in love with someone who loves me but can't committ) - I'm worried that if I write a bridge that it will turn into a cheesy breakup song. Any suggestions?

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-16

Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA

11 posted 2004-10-29 12:41 PM

Nice writing...welcome...James

Mysteria

Member Laureate

since 2001-03-07

Posts 18328
British Columbia, Canada

12 posted 2004-10-29 02:46 AM

Now that is sure one song I bet a lot of people can relate to. There is nothing worse than hanging onto someone who can't commit to a relationship. Such a waste of time spent trying to change the unchangable, and missing out on the real deal!

Now there's a good line maybe, LOL,

I am a mirage not an island
You can't feel what isn't there.

Love should never hurt
Like thorns upon a rose,
So take a final look
Before that door you close.

Welcome to Passions and I love your song, hope you can find your bridge, and also the highway to get on that leads to finding someone who will cherish you.

Enchantress
Member Empyrean

since 2001-08-14

Posts 35113
Canada eh.

13 posted 2004-10-29 08:02 AM

Hi Abby and welcome to Passions!
Looks like great writing ability runs in the family!
I know you're going to love it here.
~Smiles & Hugs, Nancy~

~Autumn..the year's last, loveliest smile.~

LeeJ
Member Patricius

since 2003-06-19

Posts 13296

14 posted 2004-10-29 08:07 AM

well Hello
Abby, welcome to PIP
What a way to introduce yourself, this was a tremendous song, would love to hear it put to music...

Thank you kindly for the pleasure of reading.

Earth Angel
Member Empyrean

since 2002-08-27

Posts 40215
Realms of Light

15 posted 2004-10-29 08:10 AM

Any daughter of Iliana's is a friend of mine!

You are a most welcomed "island" in Passion's sea of blue! Mind you, you won't be an island for long! lol

Enjoyed your first post, Dear Abby! I'll be keeping an eye out for your next one. Give your Mom a humongous hug from me ~ and keep one for yourself!

Earth Angel

hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius

since 1999-07-05

Posts 10750
Glen Hope, PA USA

16 posted 2004-10-29 10:00 AM

Abby,
What a great poem/song to make your start here on passions. I really loved everything about this piece.
Welcome!!
Ruth
aka hoot_owl_rn

I am nothing special...and my name will soon be forgotten,but I've loved another with all my heart and soul,and to me,this has always been enough.~N.S

abbymatilda
Junior Member

since 2003-12-22

Posts 35

17 posted 2004-10-29 11:28 AM

Thanks everybody! I look forward to reading lots of your poetry and writing a little more myself!
Abby

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