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Open Poetry #34

Pirouette . . . choka

Ratleader

Member Rara Avis

since 2003-01-23

Posts 7026
Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass

0 posted 2005-01-28 03:16 PM

The slow drum of days,
rhythm of the turning moon,
dance of the seasons
slowly speeding to a whirl;
blind, I would see them,
deaf, I would hear the swift years
racing in a blur, breathless.....

[This message has been edited by Ratleader (01-30-2005 12:07 AM).]

suthern

Member Seraphic

since 1999-07-29

Posts 20723
Louisiana

1 posted 2005-01-28 04:12 PM

This leaves the reader knowing that last word intimately! *S*

To say this is beautiful is an understatement... Spectacular work!!!

Martie

Moderator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-09-21

Posts 28049
California

2 posted 2005-01-28 04:59 PM

Ed

And the beat goes on and on and on......like the tide.

Susan
Member Ascendant

since 2004-03-27

Posts 5104
walking the surreal

3 posted 2005-01-28 05:00 PM

Excellent - the words, the title - enjoyed

Susan

If I wander far enough, long enough, will I finally know . . .

pandonov
Member

since 2003-10-03

Posts 478
b/w conscience and insolence

4 posted 2005-01-29 09:43 AM

it's quite sad, I see it, too

Midnitesun

Member Empyrean

since 2001-05-18

Posts 28647
Gaia

5 posted 2005-01-29 10:01 AM

there are days I want to make it stand still...for a month or so

*Alli4000*

Member Elite

since 2004-03-21

Posts 3188
The World of Poetry

6 posted 2005-01-29 10:09 AM

Wow...Great write!!

~Alli~

*AIM = Alli4000* Journal!

Beki
Senior Member

since 1999-09-15

Posts 1569
Newport Beach, CA, USA

7 posted 2005-01-29 05:12 PM

THIS IS BEAUTIFUL ED.....BUT FYI TANKA HAS ONLY 5 LINES

Ratleader

Member Rara Avis

since 2003-01-23

Posts 7026
Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass

8 posted 2005-01-29 05:26 PM

Ooh, that is true, a mental typo....it's Choka...those can have a hundred lines or more....I go see if title change will take....

~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº> ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº>
______________Ratleader______________

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

9 posted 2005-01-29 08:16 PM

oh this is good

I couldn't even attempt this form

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