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| How to Join | Member's Area | Private Library | Search | Sanctuary | Login | |
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| Main Forums | Discussion | Tech Talk | Mature Content | Archives |
A home without a wall, |
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| Open Poetry #34 |
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. . . . casting light . . . . |
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Nightshade 
since 2001-08-31
Posts 13962just out of reach 
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 . . . ~silver orb of moon casting tinsel beams of light rests in heaven's arms~ . . Chris Barker ~~~~~~~~~~~~ |
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| © Copyright 2004 Chris Barker - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Suetang Member Ascendant
since 2001-03-07
Posts 5187Melbourne, Australia |
Absolutely gorgeous, Chris. I am guessing this picture was taken at Santorini. Take care........Sue I am in motion |
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Enchantress Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113Canada eh. |
Beautiful Chris..and the moon does look spectacular tonight. Good stuff...love ya, Teed~  |
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1slick_lady Member Ascendant
since 2000-12-22
Posts 6088standing on a shadow's lace |
oh my oh my ...breathless |
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Nightshade
since 2001-08-31
Posts 13962just out of reach |
Sue, Nancy Lee & Helen - thanyou so much. The moon is "heavenly" tonight.  |
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
Makes me want to take a trip to a remote area and do some photography...James |
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Margherita Member Seraphic
since 2003-02-08
Posts 22236Eternity |
And I sigh with you, dear Chris, and Isurrender to the beauty you captured so lovingly! Love, Margherita |
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Nightshade
since 2001-08-31
Posts 13962just out of reach |
Thankyou James and Margherita for your kind comments. ~The soul that can speak through the eyes can also kiss with a gaze~ |
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inkedgoddess Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-19
Posts 7392Ohio |
take a bow full moon the sky has delivered you the sun, her midwife |
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Beki Senior Member
since 1999-09-15
Posts 1569Newport Beach, CA, USA |
the poem and the picture are beautiful, but fo rhaiku it is a bit wordy, several redundant things which haiku generally does without. If you will allow me? silver orb of moon (it would be opretty well understood the silver orb is the moon, no need for the word "moon") casts tinsel beams of light (it is also understood that "beams" refers to light, again, to say light is redundant) rests in heaven's arms (this one is fine) possible rewrite that would be a tighter more polished poem.... silver orb casts tinsel beams, rests in heavan's arms. Now that loses a lot in the translation it is true so this is just a place to start to rebuild your poem without being redundant. Perhaps something like: shiny silver orb casts sparkling tinsel beams - rests in heaven's arms. Ok that is just an example of what I mean by rebuilding the poem from its essentials. |
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Nightshade
since 2001-08-31
Posts 13962just out of reach |
inkedlady - thankyou so much for your beautiful response. Hugs!beki - thankyou for the lesson....but I like my little ditty just the way it is. I know I have alot to learn, and you seem to be very well educated in the correct forms of poetry. Perhaps I will ask you for help in the future. For now .... hugs!! |
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Beki Senior Member
since 1999-09-15
Posts 1569Newport Beach, CA, USA |
and of course it is your poem I don't know how well educated I am in general in terms of forms, but the oriental forms are my specialty..I have published many many haiku and am a teaching moderator at a few sites - considered somethng of an expert on the internet as far as these go. So if I ever can help you - please ask.... |
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iliana Member Patricius
since 2003-12-05
Posts 13434USA |
Loved this, Chris!  .....jo |
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J.Samm Member
since 2004-01-12
Posts 415Iloilo City, Philippines |
beautiful poetry (and picture too)...i thought this magnificent stuff can only be seen in dreams...naah! |
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miscellanea Member Elite
since 2004-06-24
Posts 4060OH |
You did it again! Very pretty. miscellanea |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
a beautiful scene, by a beautiful poet |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Winter seems to always sharpen the moon... and its light, and its dreams |
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Nightshade
since 2001-08-31
Posts 13962just out of reach |
Thankyou all so much for your kind replies. I was taught by someone very dear to me, that if my own writing .... no matter what form it might be .... or void of form ... as long as I was enjoying myself and perhaps gave some joy to others....that that is what poetry is all about. I am enjoying myself. |
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skyshine
since 2002-02-07
Posts 3058Beneath the northern stars |
Beautiful! I love the moon!! ~sky  Have a Holly Jolly Christmas! Jesus is the reason for the season!! |
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Susan Member Ascendant
since 2004-03-27
Posts 5104walking the surreal |
The words with the image - sheer perfection Chris- Hugs - Susan Every action generates a force that returns to us in like kind . . . let us choose compassion and love |
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Nightshade
since 2001-08-31
Posts 13962just out of reach |
sky & Susan, many thanks and hugs!! ~The soul that can speak through the eyes can also kiss with a gaze~ |
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*Alli4000*
since 2004-03-21
Posts 3188The World of Poetry |
Beautiful....I'm wondering how I missed this before today.  ~Alli~ Happy Holidays! |
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Nightshade
since 2001-08-31
Posts 13962just out of reach |
How sweet...thankyou Alli !! |
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