A Brevity in Unencumbrance

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Open Poetry #34

A Brevity in Unencumbrance

Masked Intruder

Moderator

Senior Member

since 1999-05-23

Posts 1231
Near golden sunsets

0 posted 2004-12-14 02:19 AM

It came; I fell.
Its blinding swell
caused my quick retreat.
To sleep I fled.
It bared its head;
my dreams were its defeat.

b.costen
Member

since 2003-11-02

Posts 107
ontario, CAN

1 posted 2004-12-14 03:42 AM

that's quite awesome on the second read, perhaps a little tricky to some... my only critique would be that

otherwise i think i'll go kick some ass in my dreams now

so what's it going to be then, eh?

Mysteria

Member Laureate

since 2001-03-07

Posts 18328
British Columbia, Canada

2 posted 2004-12-15 01:20 AM

Hey you! Happy Holidays first of all, and quit eating pickles and ice cream before bed. Glad your dream dragon got slayed.

Let there be peace on earth ~ and let it begin with me

GG
Member Elite

since 2002-12-03

Posts 3532
Lost in thought

3 posted 2004-12-15 04:39 AM

Usually for me they come up in dreams
and I have to wake up to defeat them.
But their defeat is still imagined.
Great write.

Always, Alyssa

He was a man of sorrows
...I am a girl of tears.

LeeJ
Member Patricius

since 2003-06-19

Posts 13296

4 posted 2004-12-15 07:29 AM

Next time don't eat those chips and salsa before going to bed...hehehe

Good one!

Susan Caldwell
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-12-27

Posts 8348
Florida

5 posted 2004-12-15 11:05 AM

Enjoyed Sir.

I haven't seen you in a while..

and it's good to see you now.

"cast me gently into the morning, for the night has been unkind"
~Sarah McLachlan~

ShiningWindHaze
Member

since 2004-09-06

Posts 138
California, United States

6 posted 2004-12-15 11:55 AM

Nice

Kristabell
Senior Member

since 2003-11-29

Posts 678
Portland, OR

7 posted 2004-12-15 01:01 PM

\Nice!

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