Words Carried upon a Whisper (for you alone)

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Open Poetry #34

Words Carried upon a Whisper (for you alone)

Don_Juan
Member

since 2004-04-08

Posts 252
Far from where I am going

0 posted 2004-11-28 12:19 PM

words carried
upon a whisper
from tongue
to pen
into your eyes.
truth conveyed
among illegible
scrawlings in
lined scrolls
just to
make you
smile.

Truth comes undone
within these words
an attempt
to make
you feel
all that
I have.
I do this
for you,
you alone

Letters of tears
flow through
a river of
white abyss
into the
heart beats
of a lonely
soul.
alone is
what we both
know all too
well, lets
make it go
away

Still
Truth comes undone
within these words
an attempt
to make
you feel
all that
I have.
I do this
for you,
you alone

(a decently quick write in song format. Let me know what i should fix and what not. I hope you enjoy)

nice use of muffin

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

1 posted 2004-11-28 05:14 AM

pretty good

are we going to be able to hear these put to music one day?

Susan Caldwell
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-12-27

Posts 8348
Florida

2 posted 2004-11-28 08:09 AM

Nicely done John.

"cast me gently into the morning, for the night has been unkind"
~Sarah McLachlan~

ThisDiamond
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-02-22

Posts 9353
Michigan, USA

3 posted 2004-11-28 09:34 AM

This is one of the best of your writes I've read...It embraces the feelings; conveys them in a beautiful inner landscape, and pours them like a waterfall down the page.
Nice work.
TD

Don_Juan
Member

since 2004-04-08

Posts 252
Far from where I am going

4 posted 2004-11-28 11:46 AM

passing- A friend and I are working on guitar and drum parts (I'm working the drums and he's doing guitar). The only setback is we can't sing so it may be a while.

Susan- Thanks for dropping in. I'm glad you enjoyed what you read.

Diamond- Thank you so much for the kind words. I appreciate that you think i'm getting better.

nice use of muffin

aim= FlyingScrew. message me if you feel.

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