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Open Poetry #34
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~DreamChild~
Senior Member
since 2001-04-23
Posts 544
in your dreams

0 posted 2004-11-18 03:20 AM


you know, it's a bother to write this.
it's hard now even to think.
it's not too much fun,
quite hard to be done:
expressing myself in ink.

perhaps if i had some pencils,
i could draw a picture for you.
a picture's worth
a thousand words.
but that's something i just can't do.

so, since i can color no portrait
(the likes that your eyes can see),
i'll write a few words,
but a thousand? absurd!
would you settle for eighty-three?




" Now what do you THINK about that? "
          


[This message has been edited by ~DreamChild~ (11-18-2004 11:56 PM).]

© Copyright 2004 derrick gillum - All Rights Reserved
LeeJ
Member Patricius
since 2003-06-19
Posts 13296

1 posted 2004-11-18 07:41 AM


smiling and grinning here
such a reassuring write....

Susan Caldwell
Member Rara Avis
since 2002-12-27
Posts 8348
Florida
2 posted 2004-11-18 09:06 AM


Enjoyed!!

"cast me gently into the morning, for the night has been unkind"
~Sarah McLachlan~

nakdthoughts
Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200
Between the Lines
3 posted 2004-11-18 05:30 PM


made me count you words...

M

RSWells
Member Elite
since 2001-06-17
Posts 2533

4 posted 2004-11-18 06:33 PM



" Now what do you THINK about that? "

I think this is pretty cool. A limerick cadence. And since you asked I might politely suggest a slight change in the final stanza's last two lines...

but a thousand? Absurd!
would you settle for just eigthy-three?

A quick, fun ride this.
          

Cloud 9
Senior Member
since 2004-11-05
Posts 980
Ca
5 posted 2004-11-18 06:37 PM


Sometimes I feel like that.....

that is a great poem.

ThisDiamond
Member Rara Avis
since 2002-02-22
Posts 9353
Michigan, USA
6 posted 2004-11-18 09:35 PM


A quick fun ride...yes!!!
Well done.
TD

ecrivan
Member Elite
since 2001-12-10
Posts 3923
my own state
7 posted 2004-11-18 09:47 PM


a picture worth a thousand words is what I heard today at work again, thanks for the memory


~DreamChild~
Senior Member
since 2001-04-23
Posts 544
in your dreams
8 posted 2004-11-18 11:54 PM


RS,

Your suggestion was applied, and i like it better as so. thanks for the tip!


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