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| Open Poetry #34 |
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Home (Amongst Another) |
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LukeatNFFC Junior Member
since 2003-07-09
Posts 42Nottingham, England |
Bear in mind these are two poems I am writing as part of a story. I need constructive criticism because I don't feel they are as good as the actual piece of writing. The first is the conclusion to the first chapter, where the main character departs from home - never to return. The second is the conclusion to the whole story. It is in fact more of an epitaph to the character. Golden is home, A temptation rarely resisted, Home is the beacon, The place found, Without ever seeking. Distraught, I am, Upon leaving, Especially when leaving alone, Is there a worse feeling, Than leaving from home? -------------------------------------------------- Throughout life, We are destined to wonder, Of what the future holds, In memories, we ask ourselves, How and why things happened. But I ask myself, Is it in death I shall prosper? Or, in life, am I eternally blessed, The wisdom of a higher goal? In the stead of wisdom, I remind myself, I am but an earthly presence, A visitor with a view to enlightenment, Yet I still wonder, What the future shall hold. |
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| © Copyright 2004 Luke - All Rights Reserved | |||
Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia |
Without seeing what comes in between, it's difficult to attempt any critique. But then I rarely feel qualified to critique, even after studying the process and getting A's in my university literature classes. It's an interesting write so far, and I enjoyed getting a peek at the storyline. |
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