A Travellers Tale - Lee said I should publish the full

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

DavePage
Member Elite

since 2003-12-21

Posts 2917

0 posted 2004-10-14 08:04 PM

You can read this as three stanzas of nine lines or nine stanzas of three lines - one from each verse.

I probably haven't got it right but it was interesting to try.

Thanks Lee for saying publish it.

Dave

On a wind swept hill
The sun dawned silhouetted romance
On the wheel you
Maid for me
Swords to lacerate my heart
Bleeding
To finality
In mock plays
of Death

Swords tie my heart
In a circle of steel
Enshrined upon my neck
Everything free
Attacker or defender
For your desires
Encircling me with steel
That cut the soul
Granting your desires

Echoing heels whirling
Damsel grey leather glistening
Mud echoing pounding
On a wish
Puncturing my defences
Of my wishes
Of my song
Of my night
To cheat your desires

Huan Yi
Member Ascendant

since 2004-10-12

Posts 6688
Waukegan

1 posted 2004-10-14 09:31 PM

Your Shoulders Hold Up The World

A time comes when you no longer can say:
my God.

A time of total cleaning up.

A time when you no longer can say: my love.
Because love proved useless.
And the eyes don’t cry.
And the hands do only rough work.
And the heart is dry.

Women knock at your door in vain, you won’t open.
You remain alone, the light turned off,
and your enormous eyes shine in the dark.
It is obvious you no longer know how to suffer.
And you want nothing from your friends.

Who cares if old age comes, what is old age?
Your shoulders are holding up the world
and it’s lighter than a child’s hand.

Wars, famine, family fights inside buildings
prove only that life goes on
and not everybody has freed himself yet.

Some (the delicate ones) judging the spectacle cruel
will prefer to die.

A time comes when death doesn’t help.
A time comes when life is an order.

Just life, without any escapes.

Carlos Drummond de Andrade

LeeJ
Member Patricius

since 2003-06-19

Posts 13296

2 posted 2004-10-15 09:34 AM

fantastic...and happy to see you did post
smiles and hugs

every thought, every word, every poem, should be expressed and published in the hearts of man....

nakdthoughts
Member Laureate

since 2000-10-29

Posts 19200
Between the Lines

3 posted 2004-10-15 06:23 PM

Echoing heels whirling
Damsel grey leather glistening
Mud echoing pounding
On a wish
Puncturing my defences
Of my wishes
Of my song
Of my night
To cheat your desires

enjoyed your words Dave *s
M

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

4 posted 2004-10-15 08:21 PM

And aren't we so very glad for what Lee asks..?

Yes.

Enchantress
Member Empyrean

since 2001-08-14

Posts 35113
Canada eh.

5 posted 2004-10-15 08:25 PM

Excellent Dave!

Well done!

~Autumn..the year's last, loveliest smile.~

Ratleader

Member Rara Avis

since 2003-01-23

Posts 7026
Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass

6 posted 2004-10-16 10:24 AM

Startling! I may just have to try this....

~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº> ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº>
______________Ratleader______________

DavePage
Member Elite

since 2003-12-21

Posts 2917

7 posted 2004-10-16 01:19 PM

Huan Yi

I didn't consider this a running away poem, it was more a circle of steel in which someone sticks a prod in to force a reaction.

It was almost born of family contentions but I haven't mapped out what it will be and that will probably be a completely different change of direction and it I think it may just become a coach journey.

Dave

LeeJ

Thanks Lee.   We'll see if Ghana comes off and what that might do for my writing - Monday will either be exciting or depressing.

Dave

nakdthoughts

M

You given an idea to write a stage coach poem.  I will have a look at Pickwick Papers for ideas but not just the straight steal of words though.

There is an interesting idea in there about a Ghost Coach or just the journey.

Thanks

Dave

Sunshine

I do bear Lee's words in mind, but I am still working on this poem and I have published it before I really felt ready to do so.

Enchantress

Many thanks

Dave

Ratleader

Startling! I may just have to try this....

It is isn't ready to post but it could be a devil to take the idea beyond a few stanzas.

Thanks

Dave

Juju
Member Elite

since 2003-12-29

Posts 3429
In your dreams

8 posted 2004-10-16 03:57 PM

Intreeging.

Juju

Margherita
Member Seraphic

since 2003-02-08

Posts 22236
Eternity

9 posted 2004-10-16 07:04 PM

quote:
On a wind swept hill
The sun dawned silhouetted romance
On the wheel you
Maid for me
Swords to lacerate my heart
Bleeding
To finality
In mock plays
of Death

Incredibly powerful work. I don't know of this particular form, but either way it flows smoothly ...

Love, Margherita

DavePage
Member Elite

since 2003-12-21

Posts 2917

10 posted 2004-10-17 10:23 AM

Juju

Ghana may or may not happen for me but one of the FAQs I read on Ghana was what to do about Juju.

Dave

Margherita

What I will do in a moment is write it as the 9 stanzas of 3.

I know you love the decisiveness of 3 lines so it will be nice to do that.

It was a game for me but poetry is to enjoy life and not the idea of what life should be.

Dave

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.