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Open Poetry #33
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Snow
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desert flower looking for rain

0 posted 2004-08-26 01:43 AM



chewing tinfoil

blue room mood
peeling scales, layer
by skinless sliver
corner hugging madness
chewing tinfoil while you
cling to the ceiling in
the abstract
fall
till breath and hook
rip and stroke the flesh
holding pearls that you
ripped while you
rape
   my warhol mind
between the scenes
of your next
      death of manhate
we, of mounds and moans
cleave and thrust
stop to
start  ... a disease of trust
where the black of my blood
drips for you
  lick
your knees my pleasure
and we, grab the moon
simply
  to milk the heavens



©sdt'04
aug 25

© Copyright 2004 Snow - All Rights Reserved
passing shadows
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since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
1 posted 2004-08-26 03:56 AM


I don't know what to say here
froggy
Senior Member
since 2003-06-23
Posts 1893
Michigan
2 posted 2004-08-26 01:11 PM


Hey Snow,
This is quite interesting and very abstract.
Or at least I think its abstract.
It is though a very interesting read.

:-)

Snow
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desert flower looking for rain
3 posted 2004-08-26 02:15 PM


yep, very abstract... :-)

and it's perfectly OK that no one knows what to say.

:-D thanks for reading.


snow

"Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless."
--Mother Teresa

Midnitesun
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Gaia
4 posted 2004-08-26 02:24 PM


In some ways, it's a reptilian write, a shedding of sorts.  And grabbing the moon "to milk the heavens" adds to this interesting metaphor.
Though I may be way, way off the mark, as it IS very abstract.

aujussy wolf
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Michigan
5 posted 2004-08-26 03:27 PM


the title alone gives me the shivers , let alone the vivid body of this write , bares all in a darkened light ....
moody and creative , like me lol
hope  you feel better
~wolf

msflame
Member
since 2002-05-21
Posts 188

6 posted 2004-08-26 06:43 PM


Its gripping, powerful. I didn't feel I had to undeerstand it, I was just enthralled by it.
EvocativeVerse2
Senior Member
since 2003-09-10
Posts 1279

7 posted 2004-08-28 06:46 AM


Hello Snow. Mmm...what to say. First I love this poem. It is not abstract to my way of thinking. Why? LOL! Well you see I see it as sort of a mental patient's train of thought. The words are the unspoken things that are locked in the mind. I know but I just can't help seeing that image. I think it is the title that sent my mind off in that direction. Believe it or not. I use to ride the bus back and forth to college...and it just so happens it stopped at the mental health hospital. One of the daily riders was a patient who had day passes. The guy use to chew the tinfoil, plastic bags, paper...etc that his lunches were packed in. I suppose that is why the poem makes sense to me. LOL. Sorry! Oh...and where is my e-mail? I wrote last. (Wink!)

Remember, if you're not part of the future, you're history!

iliana
Member Patricius
since 2003-12-05
Posts 13434
USA
8 posted 2004-08-29 12:55 PM


Snow!  

"rip and stroke the flesh
holding pearls that you
ripped while you
rape
   my warhol mind
between the scenes
of your next
      death of manhate"

! ! ! ! !  WOW........jo

nakdthoughts
Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200
Between the Lines
9 posted 2004-08-29 08:52 AM


we, of mounds and moans
cleave and thrust
stop to
start  ... a disease of trust
where the black of my blood
drips for you
  lick
your knees my pleasure
and we, grab the moon
simply
  to milk the heavens


seems very sensual to me

*s
M

Dr.Moose1
Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448
Bewilderment , USA
10 posted 2004-08-29 08:34 PM


Snow,
Heck, I'll take a wild guess and say that it's not all that favorable towards the male of the species, and, it made my teeth hurt just reading it.
Doc

Mysteria
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since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328
British Columbia, Canada
11 posted 2004-08-30 02:45 PM


I really enjoyed it Snow and I have to tell you it doesn't matter if we understand the where of your coming, however if it takes us on our own journey then it was worth the write.  You will laugh where it took me - back to my old job!
Snow
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Senior Member
since 2000-10-16
Posts 1170
desert flower looking for rain
12 posted 2004-08-31 01:35 AM


thank you all for the comments on this piece. :-)



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