Blind Dogs.....3rd and final revision

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Open Poetry #33

Blind Dogs.....3rd and final revision

Contabo
Member

since 2001-11-21

Posts 159

0 posted 2004-08-13 01:51 PM

I apologize. I had to rewrite one more time. I will trouble no more on this one.

Blind Dogs

It’s the blue….that cataract vacancy
which gives up eyes weeping
fixedly on drops of familiarity
hemorrhaging from arterial memories
coaxed into the synapses milk bone patient
linking orders to treats
and touch with blinking blackness
inevitably eternal

Contabo

Midnitesun

Member Empyrean

since 2001-05-18

Posts 28647
Gaia

1 posted 2004-08-13 01:53 PM

A sad write. I'm sorry, but I didn't read the other versions. This one speaks of loss on several levels.

Susan
Member Ascendant

since 2004-03-27

Posts 5104
walking the surreal

2 posted 2004-08-13 01:58 PM

I am glad this is your last revision, for soon my heart will no longer be able to be restored to my breast.

Susan

Happiness isn't something that happens to you, it's created from within you. Joy is a state of mind.

Contabo
Member

since 2001-11-21

Posts 159

3 posted 2004-08-13 02:08 PM

So sorry Susan....I just HAD to make this better (in my opinion). I am glad you stayed with me to the end.

midnight....thank you for reading.

Contabo

Pell
Member

since 2001-09-16

Posts 134
Pacific NW

4 posted 2004-08-13 02:18 PM

Susan said it. I too am somewhat relieved, this version is easier to read and loses none of the meaning. That second revision made me a pile of blubbering jello... I almost like it better for that, but I'm a sucker for emotional impact lol.

"coaxed into the synapses milk bone patient"

Love that you kept that.
This is awesome, Contabo, well done.

Contabo
Member

since 2001-11-21

Posts 159

5 posted 2004-08-13 02:25 PM

Thank you Pell.

The second write, I felt lead the reader to a conclusion. I hope the last version lets the reader wander to one.

I usually do not mess with poems once posted. I guess I feel they are "done" at that point. This one would not leave me alone.

Contabo

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