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Hellborn
| Dark Poetry #1 |
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Hellborn |
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sparrow Junior Member
since 1999-10-22
Posts 33 |
It looks real cool and so it said "The moon's arrived inside my head" The cry echoes from down the hall A woman with a man is not having fun at all A child arrived from within this gloom It grew up much, much too soon When he was a teen he had a feast Just of blood the kid's a beast No more left in his house Nothing but a rotting mouse Revenge it seems takes its toil But more still lives he stole Another then comes into play This one too has his way The new one goes and destroys the first only thing to be done to kill his thirst Which is better? is everyone a fool? Who really knows? but now it's cool. ------------------ Sparrow Hawk Jester of http://www.scribedesigns.com/archflambeoth/ |
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| © Copyright 1999 sparrow - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Michael
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-13
Posts 7666California |
Well, Sparrow, honestly the last stanza threw me a bit...but then again, it's four in the mourning and I am one breath away from being a total zombie....I loved the flow and the unraveling of this poem, though..Indeed, it's cool. ------------------ Michael Anderson Is all that we see or seem but a dream within a dream? |
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JennyLee Senior Member
since 1999-09-01
Posts 1461Northwestern, NJ. |
Wow,almost reminds me of Anne Rice's Lasher.  Very Gothic. Hoping to read more.Jenny [This message has been edited by JennyLee (edited 10-26-1999).] |
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sparrow Junior Member
since 1999-10-22
Posts 33 |
yea, it would be better without the last stanza... ah well, it's already in print now ;} It was all pretty much random thoughts when I first wrote it down, so I didn't really notice how bad the last stanza stood out until I found the story which showed itself in the rest of the poem. I tend to find the meanings of a lot of my works long after I've written them. Oh yea, Lasher is one of my favorite books, so I'm flattered ;} ------------------ Sparrow Hawk Jester of http://www.scribedesigns.com/archflambeoth/ |
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D.B. Whyte Member
since 1999-10-27
Posts 94Crest Hill, IL, USA |
Sparrow, It's your work my friend. It's not complete till you say it is. And yes, it's very Goth but still streetsmart and pushy. It lashes out and says "get to the end." Bring some more... D.B./slomovingvehicle ------------------ He soils the sanctity of that which is perfect and wonders why he is shunned by all. [This message has been edited by D.B. Whyte (edited 10-29-1999).] |
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