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Arcane Chaos
New Member

since 1999-10-18

Posts 6
Coral Springs, FL, Broward

0 posted 1999-10-23 02:59 PM

Just started writing a few weeks ago, decided to post a poem I've written recently to see what people think.....(yeah, its a long one)

There I stood, in the center of town, covered in blood;
Stickly, sweet smelling, flowing from my head and heart;
Matted beneath my clothes, annointing my hands and feet;
Wounds always fresh, always flowing, dagger wedged between my ribs;

Cobblestone white is forevermore red;
Always hurting, the only nepenthe for my soul;
Pain shooting, blood flowing, an earthly balm;
Hides my mark, my true pain, the only potent drug;

People walk by and show me their scrapes and sorrows;
Give me your burdens, I can carry it but you can't;
A little more won't matter;
Give me your stories, the marks on your soul, I can take it;
A little more never matters;

Hands bound behind my back, feet chained to the ground;
And more people walk by, wondering why I don't move;
Never giving me another thought, never noticing the key in their hands;
Help if you want, but don't stain your hands;

I once looked up to see a fair sight;
Someone promising redemption, a angel from above;
Repulsed by the blood, the dagger drove in deeper;
Nothing pure shall touch these chains, no one foriegn to this kind of blood can understand;
It is indeed a just cloth the three sisters weave, however harsh the thread may be;

And in the distance, the croeth is heard;
Dark plume riding the wind, the ultimate redemption;
I yearn to see its approaching form, the raptor of souls;
But the blood is heavy, and echoes of Poe resound within my mind : nevermore;

Silently, in the night, my redeemer arrives;
Having travelled no less of a road than I did;
Cuts me down, I am now free;
Collapsing in her arms, I am restored;
She knows me better than anyone else;
Holding her, I wish for no other;
And in tears, the blood is washed away.

I had originally put this in the teen poetry but Systamatic Decay suggested making some improvements and posting it here... So here it is, any suggestions or comments are greatly needed

[This message has been edited by Arcane Chaos (edited 10-23-1999).]

Watcher666
Senior Member

since 1999-10-13

Posts 1606

1 posted 1999-10-23 03:07 PM

Darkly eloquent.Liked this much!

------------------
Illusion...what we see and what we do...it's all up to you.

Deverone
Member

since 1999-10-13

Posts 136
San Antonio, Tx, USA

2 posted 1999-10-23 04:58 PM

Very nice....loved the discriptive emotional words.

Systematic Decay
Senior Member

since 1999-09-15

Posts 1301
That place with padded walls and funny people in white.........

3 posted 1999-10-23 05:26 PM

I like the improvements.

------------------
"Despite all my rage, I am still just a rat in a cage."
-Billy Corgan-

JennyLee
Senior Member

since 1999-09-01

Posts 1461
Northwestern, NJ.

4 posted 1999-10-23 08:38 PM

I liked this very much,thank goodness you listened to Sys!!! Thanks for posting this here

Jennifer

Arcane Chaos
New Member

since 1999-10-18

Posts 6
Coral Springs, FL, Broward

5 posted 1999-10-23 09:26 PM

Lol....thank you all for your comments, you humble me

Michael

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 1999-08-13

Posts 7666
California

6 posted 1999-10-23 11:25 PM

I'm glad you picked up the pen...this is very good. Don't set it down any time soon...and oh yeah, Welcome to the Dark Forum.

------------------
Michael Anderson

Is all that we see or seem
but a dream within a dream?

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