Dark Poetry #1 |
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Lying to myself--please respond |
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starboards Member
since 1999-10-14
Posts 467longwood, florida |
I hide it away and dont let it show But the hurt I feel inside just wont let go I'm happy during the day but I cry to myself at night I tell myself I'm over you and I'll be alright Lying to myself seems like the best thing to do When I'm dying inside and cant get over you [This message has been edited by starboards (edited 10-21-1999).] |
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© Copyright 1999 Ashley Keenan - All Rights Reserved | |||
Lucie Senior Member
since 1999-06-20
Posts 1077Houston |
Letting go is the hardest thing to do. Unfortunately love can not be turned on and off like a faucet. Although some people seem to have that ability. ![]() |
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JennyLee Senior Member
since 1999-09-01
Posts 1461Northwestern, NJ. |
We all have a way of lying to ourselves. It's our defense mechanism to keep us sane. I really liked how you put this into words! Welcome ![]() Jenny |
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suicidal dreams Member
since 1999-09-28
Posts 343Toledo Ohio USA |
Love is odd, but love shall find.At least i hope it finds. Great write and read. keep postin ------------------ life is short kill quick |
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wolfie97 Member
since 1999-10-18
Posts 58Newcastle, WY USA |
Very good, and oh so true. I can relate, for I am going through the same right now. Keep up the good work! I emjoyed it truely. ------------------ Garrett 'sneaky' Gall |
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Deverone Member
since 1999-10-13
Posts 136San Antonio, Tx, USA |
Very nice . It does get a little better with time. The heart can heal, but you will be the one to make the decision when that time will be. Your words were/are truly felt. ------------------ Deverone "We are cups, constantly and quietly being filled. The trick is, knowing how to tip ourselves over and let the beautiful stuff out". ----Ray Bradbury--- |
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Laughter New Member
since 1999-10-20
Posts 4moline,Il,usa |
Letting go is tough but sooner or later it will all get better. But I can so relate to your words! (I'm new to this) Laughter |
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Michael
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-13
Posts 7666California |
Well, Starboards, when someone asks for a response I assume they want critique. The poem is good in content but the form could be more consistent. You capitalize the start of some sentences, but then some you don't...same with the use of the letter "I". The words "and not" in the second line doesn't fit grammatically. I would change it to... I hide it away to not let it show ....or I hide it away and don't let it show The message was well conveyed, though. I enjoyed the read. ------------------ Michael Anderson Is all that we see or seem but a dream within a dream? |
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