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| Dark Poetry #1 |
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History |
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SpitFire Member Elite
since 2000-04-19
Posts 2396
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History a soft sound escapes a half empty place sighs of your glory echoing through space sighs of her disdain echoing the pain soft breath chasing,..... tears erasing chaos scattered this place as a whole scattered her, scattered her soul entered with fury in it’s eyes choosing to ignore her pleaing cries fire scortching it's insides bottling the fear it hides objects strewn in the heat of it all broken body battered to a fall merciful sighs tears in her eyes a lonely wimper of hope in this aftermath to cope in this place in this night full of fury,...full of fright It's a History I guess,...... of an event I wish I missed. *I know the ending just sort of drops off but this was tough for me...the whole rhyming thing...I was just giving it a shot with rewriting a poem I wrote a while ago...anyway.....thanks for reading. |
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| © Copyright 2000 SpitFire - All Rights Reserved | |||
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jwesley Member Rara Avis
since 2000-04-30
Posts 7563Spring, Texas |
Spitfire.... Wow. Up to the last two lines...I love it. I really think you need to mull it over some more and finish it. It's too good to waste by cutting it off like that. " It's a History I guess" is fine also, (if that's where you want it to go with it[I'm not sure I wouldn't try to retitle it and try from that angle])....go from there...don't change anything else. Don't get in a rush to show it till it's the way you want it. I'd really like to see the finished product. j. |
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tracie66 Member Elite
since 2000-01-18
Posts 4713Australia |
Spitfire~ You have done well and the last couple of lines It's a history I guess...., an event I wish I'd missed Just sums up the whole picture put together in this piece. I really liked it, thanks for sharing this with us  Tracie~ |
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Joel the wolf Senior Member
since 2000-04-06
Posts 1333Angels Camp |
Well kid if your not satisfied with it then get over it. haha. We write for who? us? no. for you? no. for who then? For our souls to rest and find peace within. you may not be mentally ok with it, but who can tell what your soul wants?. Really it's ok with me I was going to look into finishing it but I couldn’t. Because it's fine, just like it is. And it's you. Love ya kid. Joel. I howl a mournful song, that echos within my chambered heart, for all to read? nay for all to feel. |
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SpitFire Member Elite
since 2000-04-19
Posts 2396 |
~Awesomeness!!!  .........thank you!!! |
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